I’ve done a lot of adulting lately. I’m not entirely sure when the moment hits for most people when you realise you are in fact an adult, but as I was walking through the supermarket, doing a normal weekly shop for myself for the first time in a year, it hit for me.
To be honest, most of my life ‘Epiphany’ moment hit while I’m the supermarket and I’m definitely part of a minority who genuinely enjoys the task. In a lot of ways it’s just the symbol of growing up to me.
From my first grocery shop living out of home five years ago, to the little moments where a mum referred to me as a ‘lady’, or the moment of pure joy I felt when I finally could shop again for food I recognised when I got to Austria after three months in Asia/Africa, it’s just my space.
I’m staying with Sam for a few weeks while the house is renovated so I jumped at the chance to do the weekly shop. It ended up being more like a fortnightly shop as I bough half the supermarket home (sorry credit card, I love you).
I was walking around the supermarket and I felt like ‘yes, this is home’. I traveled to Hamilton a few weeks ago and it was the first time it no longer felt like home. I wasn’t quite ready for that, Tauranga hadn’t quite felt like that yet. And now it does…well more so than Hamilton.
I think I’ve finally accepted life after I ran quickly from it all a year ago. It wasn’t a run in terms of ‘run away’, it was a ‘I need a change so I’m going about it pronto’. I just at the time had absolutely no idea how many things in my life that change would impact. I was laughing to myself in the car on the way home with Sam from something.
“It’s only been a year since you left the country?” He said.
“Yep. A lot can happen in a year.”
It surely can. I couldn’t do life as it was anymore, so I didn’t. I made a change, I’d put myself in the position to be able to make that change whenever I wanted to. I then came back and I started again. And that can be a bloody hard thing to do.
But I truly think in some form, we are all starting new in something.
Life is just like that.
I’ve done a lot of freaking out along with my realisation I’m an adult lately. Mainly just to remind myself I am only 22 and freaking out about major responsibility is normal. But then I also hate thinking that way; ‘only’ has this connotation that implies I have a lot of time. And I mean I do. But why waste any of it? I also might not. I don’t know what’s going to happen, so I’d rather make the most of opportunities that come along. Rushing through life and taking on opportunities before you’re ‘ready’ are different things, and people often get them confused.
Rushing is when you never stop to take in how far you’ve come or appreciate what you have accomplished, or even life for that matter. Taking opportunities when they come is just putting your hand up and say ‘yes’ it’s my time to do that now, so I’m going to. Even if you’re not 100 per cent ‘ready’ you probably never will be, so if it’s your time, take it, and don’t second guess yourself.
It’s always important to remember not every ‘opportunity’ is in fact one, and being able to tell the difference between the two is going to take you a long way in life.
Sam and I were talking mortgages the other day and he said, “I feel like other people don’t worry the same way about these things”.
And I laughed.
I said, “No, it’s the same for them, the difference is you don’t see it or hear about it”.
I tend to find myself living in a constant mindset of ‘I’m pretty sure it’s all just talk and none of it is really real’. Perhaps because I’m terrified it’s going all just disappear? But I’m going to stop doing that. I’m not living life on a tight-wire waiting for the moment someone rips it out from underneath me or a strong wind comes and knocks me off. Life is happening and I’m doing it.
Mortgages, business, jobs, careers… it’s scary as all hell but who cares? I like a challenge right? And a bit of fear is always a great motivation to keep looking ahead.
Here we go.