So we’re nearly halfway through our honeymoon and I’m sweating my butt off on a deck chair because the weather is over 30 degrees and my body can’t deal. But it’s beautiful!
Now you might all be a little surprised to see two blogs in one week (oh my gosh, I’m on fire) but it’s really just because I finally have time and it’s refreshing to be able to sit down and hash it all out again.
So these last 18 months have been a bit of a whirlwind and I feel like I never really got round to explaining a pretty crucial part of my life: how I went from wanting no relationship to getting married in 18months. Yep, sounds confusing to me too when it’s written down like that. I know a few of you followed my blog when I came back from my big overseas trip to find my life turned totally upside down: single after 4 years, no job and no home of my own. I moved back in with my parents and partied up the summer. Life was magical, albeit stressful and sleepless.
And I said a few times, I don’t want a relationship. At the time, I meant it. But what I later came to realise was what I really meant; I don’t want a relationship that cripples who I am or what I want.
In my mind, Id painted this picture of relationships being all about compromise (I’ll come back to this) and sacrifice, of giving up what I wanted and what lit a fire inside me, for someone I loved. And I was tired of that, so so tired of living only being able to express little portions of who I was in bite sized pieces. I didn’t want that. I was also 100 per cent certain I wasn’t going to do that again, even if I was single forever.
Because you should be accepted for who you are 100 percent or there’s no point; don’t water yourself down because others struggle to keep up.
I don’t mean be an awful person, I love being kind, understanding and compassionate. What I mean is I want to achieve a 1000 things and I want to be busy. I love a full on life and I have zero desire to change that. I have energy now and I want to use that to build a life I am truely proud of and love… while I can.
I’ve lived enough of life to learn how to balance my passion and drive with a little time out, and you can trust me, I do know how to balance my life.
So anyway, when I said I didn’t want a relationship what I meant is I wanted one that either allowed me to be me, to live 100 as myself – full strength with no apologies for that.
I wanted someone who would share the load with me because my career will always be a priority. I wanted someone who understood they would have to be an active parent and I wouldn’t be staying home forever, someone who was willing to cook, clean and move for my if they had to. Someone who would drop everything and travel regularly. Someone who wasn’t afraid to take life my the horns and run with it. I needed someone who could dive in headfirst and give 100 percent to life. And someone who could call me out when I was wrong, who wouldn’t be a push over, but also someone patient enough to let me be a bit emotional, overly passionate and a bit mad. Oh, and someone I clicked with and would fall head over heals with.
I didn’t think I’d find that, and I honestly didn’t think I’d find someone with that so soon. So when I did I thought I’d better keep him! So I did. And now here we are relaxing in Vietnam (by relaxing I mean melting) and I couldn’t be more surprised at how it turned out, but man am I excited.
It terrified me at first to think I’d actually found someone to match me, and falling in love really did feel like a terrifying death fall from the Grand Canyon with no harness, but that’s life; the great things are usually the terrifying one.
Anyway, on that note, don’t be afraid to fall, to be you, to be brave, to be alone, to be 100 for life your way.
Oh, ps, when I say compromise, life is all about those and so are relationships… but you should be with someone where the compromises don’t compromise who you are.
Now the sweat is running in my eyes so I’m going to have to go and jump in that delicious looking pool…