I wasn’t sure if I should write this post, mainly because it can be a sensitive topic, but I felt like I needed to say it. Pregnancy hormones got me wanting to say a whooooole lot of shit. Sorry… I’m not that bad I promise.
Anyway, I’m nearing 18 weeks now, we find out soon what gender baby is and I’m super pumped. I’m also terrified. My body is doing weird things that I’m NOT ok with, I can’t bend over without feeling like I’m squashing my kid, and sleeping has become my #1 fav past time. I’m also terrified that this scan wont go well.
I thought that anxiety would pass with time. But it doesn’t. Kind of getting the vibe I’ll just be perpetually worried about this kid until I die?
It’s always been the done thing to wait until someone is at least 12 weeks before they announce a pregnancy. I find that weird in some respects. Did you know there is only a 3% chance of a miscarriage after hearing a strong heartbeat? Most people hear that on an ultrasound around 6-8 weeks. Did you also know that there are a significant number of people in this world who have lost babies after 12 weeks?
I’d never thought about it until I got a bit older and people around me lost babies, and people spoke openly about miscarriage. I did a story not long before I left journalism about this cool organisation (Huggable Hearts – look them up) and I interviewed women as part of that who had lost babies. I remember thinking at the time how awful that would have been.
And then I found myself on these support pages, years later, and I hear about everyone else’s loss and experience, and it’s not just people before 12 weeks. It’s A LOT of people well after that.
And that’s terrifying.
I’ve had a few, and by all means well meaning, people say ‘you’re in the safe zone!’
There is no ‘safe zone’. There really isn’t.
It’s strange we live in a world where after 3 months it’s ‘normal’ to announce a pregnancy, like somehow after that timeframe nothing can go wrong… or that before that date it isn’t worth talking about? Or that you shouldn’t be excited about things that could potentially end badly?
When people ask me what I’d suggest for announcement timeframes I simply say for me: tell the people you’d want to tell if it all turned to shit. If you don’t want the world to know if it goes wrong, don’t tell the world until you feel 100 per cent ready. If, like me, you’re happy to share all with everyone, then go ahead and don’t let anyone tell you it’s not the right time yet.
I don’t feel like there is a safe zone. And part of being a mum I guess, is learning to just embrace all the highs and accept there is nothing you can do about the possible lows, and AAAAALLLLL the things that could or might go wrong.
I don’t feel like I can relax. So I do some more damn yoga and breath and meditate and go to church and take long walks on the beach and drink some peppermint tea… but ALL I WANT TO DO IS DRINK A DAMN GLASS OF WINE AND GALLOP MY HORSE OVER SOME GIANT ASS JUMPS.
Turns out I should have developed slightly healthier coping mechanisms earlier in life.
People like to remind me the worrying doesn’t get better once baby arrives. But, mate, at least I will have wine and horses back in my life once again and I will no longer have to pretend I’m some sort of chilled out, mild, peppermint drinking, yoga loving person. Because right now I feel like I’m the human equivalent a wild possum dragged backwards out of my comfy hiding spot.
Oh, and I go to bed at 9pm each night. Because I’ve reached a point in my life where that actually feels REALLY GOOD.
I’ve also noticed Facebook narrows in on your fears and repeatedly brings articles up in your newsfeed about all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy and with babies. Like cool as, totally wasn’t struggling enough already?!
Anyway that’s enough, I need to have a peppermint tea, sleep, and get up for yoga!! YAY!
*only mild sarcasm*