Doomsday prep

I survived two days in Auckland…just. Turns out a cold coffee with ice in it is a ‘cold brew’ in Takapuna (North Auckland) but an iced Americano in Manakau (South Auckland). It’s the same damn city guys, can’t you at least agree on what to name your cold coffee?! I also nearly died because drivers there are just…well…I nearly died. The motorway is fine, people kind of know to look out for others (though with four crashes in the stretch of motorway that runs from one side of the city to the other might suggest otherwise), but outside of that it’s every man for himself. I nearly hit a kid too on a crossing who thought that instead of stopping to check the cars were far enough away to ACTUALLY stop, he just walks out without looking, on dusk, in dark clothes, on a wet road. I stopped.Thankfully.

So with my heart in my throat 90 per cent of the time I was there I’ve concluded I felt safer on the busy streets of South East Asia than I do in Auckland. None the less I am home safe, back in Tauranga, where the drivers are equally as bad but there are far fewer of them.

As I was driving between the two cities (it’s a three hour trip in average traffic) I went back through the Waikato (where I used to live). Man I miss it.

The Waikato is very foggy, most people hate that. I love it. There’s nothing cooler than living at the top of a hill looking down at all the fog sitting in the bottom of the valley. It’s mystical in the coolest of ways.

I’m not missing the cold though.

However, I do miss the fashion. I have no idea how people in Tauranga don’t freeze. No one wears coats?! This time of year in Hamilton I’d be in boots, a scarf, gloves, and a coat. Not here. I’d just look like a weirdo if I wore a scarf AND a coat. But I can’t feel my fingers so I think I might just have to be unfashionable and start rugging up and watch all these weirdos freeze.

The first frost of the year is here (for Tauranga anyway, the rest of the country south is probably already well used to these) and I had to get the ice off my windscreen before work.

The best part though? My car started. Dad was very convinced it wouldn’t once it started getting cold because the battery has a mind of its own. I am of the opinion it’s not a problem till it stops working all together. And on that day I will be late for work and probably be very upset and it will be all my own fault.

None the less, I am trying to prove that it will be fine and it will make it through.

I know it’s at least three years old since I haven’t bought a new one since I got the car…it really is on its last legs.

I have one week to go before my exam (I call it dooms day)…but I have passed all the assignments for that paper so far, so I have a small amount of hope that I may go down in a small blaze of fire rather than a large one.

Shrug.

I’m tired from my Auckland training and I’d love to say that I’m taking the afternoon off to chill out…but I’m not. I’m going to study my butt off to catch up after missing a lot of study time while away training.

One. More. Week.

Then I can crack open my lovely $45 bottle of wine I splashed out on and enjoy it while having a spa. It was going to be a bath, but I feel like I might want people to join me in this wine drinking and it’s a bit hard for them to all join in a bathtub.

Actually don’t try to imagine that.

So life is happening. People are happy, people are getting married, having babies, getting cool jobs. It’s happening. And I’m happy to be part of their stories. It’s fun. I even like crying babies now. Apparently I do have a maternal instinct. Not sure I want my own one any time soon. But you know, at least I like other peoples now.

And on that note I’m off to achieve at least something today from the office before I head off at lunch time to frolic about in the sun for approximately 5minutes before I find myself back inside, cowering from the cold, studying.

Yaaaay…

Over and out.

 

 

 

 

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I’m mad, utterly mad

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I stole this picture of my sisters instagram…mainly because I spilt a cup of coffee on my phone so it now refuses to upload photos I take. Whatever, that’s cool. I’ve spent the last few days in Hamilton looking after the little sis who’s had an operation (she’s fine, nothing major). It’s strange being, once again, back in the house I moved into a year ago. I can’t believe how much I’ve achieved in one year and how different things are now! I’ve been rather adamant about not being one of those people who come back from travelling and say ‘I’ve changed’. But I can’t help it. I’m different. I’m still every bit me but I’m the me I’ve ignored for a long time. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here, but before I came back and walked into what turned into a blind-siding flip of my life, there was this moment in France.

Tom had left to spend the afternoon at the pub and I’d opted to have a me day. I’d just finished watching the rugby and I went to do the dishes only to find the sink totally blocked. I’ve had a blocked sink while I’ve been flatting, a number of times, I should probably stop expecting food to fit down it… but every time I’d called someone to fix it. Not because I couldn’t fix it, but it was easier to just get someone to do it for me. But stuck in a house with no internet, no one around to bounce ideas off, nothing. I had nothing. I’ll admit it took me an hour to realise there was a part of the pipe under the sink I could unscrew to empty the blockage (into a bucket of course, I’m smart sometimes), but there was this strange sense of achievement as I watched the water empty out and my problem vanish. I did it all myself. I’d always been able to do it myself, I just never thought I could.

So I was standing in this little kitchen in a house in the middle of a quiet, well actually silent, street in the middle of a small North West town in France. I stood and I laughed and I laughed until I couldn’t stop. And I suddenly realised all the things I was worried about, all the things in life that stopped me chasing my dreams; none of it mattered. I was going to be just fine. I was fine on my own.

I don’t know why I had that moment, perhaps I subconsciously knew more about my unravelling life than I cared to admit, but from that moment I haven’t felt the fear I used to about my life.

There are a lot of things you learn travelling: how to get yourself un-lost with no help and no maps without the use of English, how to order food with a dietary requirement without using language…the list of stuff goes on. But there are these incredible moments like in Vietnam, I went out around 10pm in Hoi An, it’s a small beach town that’s insanely pretty, and I just wandered around. The street was lit with these large lanterns, people talked loudly, some rode around on bikes, floating candles shone in different colours across the canal. It was one of the moment beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Or when I was in Ho Chi Minh city and a group of girls took me around in the evening. There’s this big street just for people to hang out and walk up and down. Buildings tower over it with bright neon lights and offices lit up. People gather to sing and drink coffee and just be there. In a city full of rush and business they’re just there because they can be. And as I rode around on the back of their motorbikes in a monsoon shower I couldn’t help but realise just how incredible life is. For the first time in my life I stopped worrying about what the future might look like and I started loving my now. And I kept loving my now the whole way around the world.

I never want to lose that, the feeling of freedom and bliss that life is going to be just fine.

So the other night at 11pm I ran off to the beach just to talk and dance and run and do cartwheels (which I fail at). Because life is amazing and it’s so easy to get caught up in what we ‘should’ be or what it ‘should’ look like. I don’t want to lose the craziness or the spontaneous fun I had travelling just because I’m home. New Zealand is an incredible country and life should be lived in the same manner people travel in; just have fun. I’m young and even when I’m not, I’m still entitled to enjoy the little things in life, to embrace my crazy mad side. I’m mad, utterly mad.

And I love it.

Cat pee and cups of tea

I arrived home at 10pm on a Thursday after a quick two day trip to Russell in memory of my granddads passing. I ran a bath, made a cup of tea, sat aimlessly on the couch staring at a picture on the wall, stood in the kitchen for a moment wondering how to get food in my body without having to eat, then I went to my room. I petted my cat and went to put my hot wheat bag in the bed so it was warm when I got in. There, in the middle of the bed was a pee stain. A cat pee stain. I looked at the bed, I looked at Charlie, he looked back at me, I looked back at the bed. Right. I’m not sure what most people do when they’re emotional exhausted and find their cat peed in their bed, but I laughed. Charlie meowed. I laughed a bit more and looked at him and said, “yep, I know what you mean”. I have no idea what he meant. He’s a cat, he probably just meant he wanted food. But I’ll take it as a sorry. So the sheets are in the wash, including the waterproof mattress cover which is apparently not also cat-pee-proof and I’ve remade my bed. Of course he also got the duvet so that’s tomorrows job. I pulled out another one of my many and put that on my bed instead. The problem I faced with remaking the bed however, is every bed in this house is a double and mine is a queen…so fitting sheets on it is similar to me trying to fit back into my size six jeans after France.

So, here I am in my bath with my cup of tea, well the second cup, the first cup ended up cold and with floating bits of cat fur in it, balancing my laptop precariously on the edge of the bath because I’ve concluded this is my only quiet ‘me’ spot…it’s even safe from the cat.

Tomorrow, Friday, is all about bridal shower planning. I’m super excited but also rather dubious as to how I am going to make a paper mache in one day…guess it’s time to get out the hair dryer! I’m also rather frightened I might poison all the guests with cake as I haven’t made a normal cake in years and as I can’t taste it, well….you can imagine how that might end.

Never the less I am alive, I went for a run today and only nearly died, and I have tea, and a bath, and a clean bed.

Deep breaths, tomorrow is a new day.

Another year older and a little bit wiser…sometimes

My butt is incredibly sore today. It’s a rather interesting way to end a birthday, but turns out sitting on it meant it needed massaging. And that hurt. But I think it’s going to be ok. With my flitting around the world this year it doesn’t quite feel time for my birthday to have come around again or that it’s been a year since granddad passed away. Charlie the cat is as weird as ever but he’s come around to sleeping on my bed and even thinks it’s fun to wake me up by standing on my head in the night. I spent the morning with mum at a spa for a detox treatment and I feel suitably loved and detoxed and filled with healthy chocolate. What on earth would the world do without chocolate?

The spa we went to gave me a little pink flower pot plant so I now have three living things that rely on me! I’m rather determined to keep it alive…the plant that is. I’m hoping the cat and horse can look after themselves a little because let’s be honest, I’m not actually that good at keeping even myself alive. But I’ve managed 22 years so that’s got to count for something!

I wanted to do a big post about how much has changed over the past year but sometimes there just aren’t words for things so here is a super brief recap:

I lost granddad, I brought a horse and sold a horse, Ivy had a baby horse and I sold him, I ran away overseas and travelled to nine countries in four months and absolutely loved it and learnt a bunch of life lessons, and I went from a four year relationship to single, I ended up with a cat. And here we are!

When I was a kid I always thought: “When I get to 21, life will be good”. I have no idea why it was 21, but I seemed to think life would stop there. I thought I’d have a car, a horse, a house, a job, and a degree and I’d be set for life. I have all that sure, but it’s nothing like I pictured and life is certainly not stopping here. I must chuckle at my much younger self and think, “Man, what am I going to think in another 10 years? Will I look back on my current self and think ‘how naive, if only you’d known’.” Yep, probably. But what I have come to realise is life never happens how you expect and even when it comes close to it, the feeling may be nothing like the one you’d anticipated. Walking away from my relationship was one of the hardest things to do. I wanted to fight, I wanted it to work. But I also hate giving up and sometimes I don’t know when to quit. Perhaps it was time to do so or perhaps I’m just stronger than I was four years ago, but I’m really quite ok. I’m sad in moments and angry in others but after losing people, seeing suffering in all parts of the world including my own, and having been diagnosed with a life altering health issue I feel like a break up is a mountain I’m well equipped to climb and with the support I have, there is absolutely no reason I won’t make a quick journey over the other side.

Anyway, instead of rambling on about all the changes I decided I’d instead write a list of all the things I’m grateful for in my life.

  • Amazing friends I’m not sure I’d be ok without
  • The chance to have worked at a great paper and have more experience under my belt than I ever imagined in my first 18 months of work.
  • A really cool, easy horse who is the bees knees
  • A not-so-cuddly cat who’s a bit weird but I like him.
  • Parents who are going to have to put up with my being at home a lot for the next few months
  • New work and volunteer opportunities
  • A body that functions properly 90 per cent of the time
  • A bed all to myself
  • Chocolate
  • The ability to travel the world on my own and all the incredible things I’ve learnt

I’d go on, but that’s the gist of it. In the past few months life has become an incredibly interesting and slightly frightening place to navigate. I spent several days standing on the top of mountains screaming “I’M ALIVE”, I spent days dragging a 20kg bag around with me, I’ve walked more miles than I ever thought was possible in four months, I’ve faced some of my biggest fears, I’ve eaten scorpions, I’ve seen suffering and heartbreak, and I’ve had the chance to change my world view.

Now I’m here and in my 22nd year I’m excited about what’s going to happen now. There are so many paths and picking the ‘right’ one seems scary, but it’s just taking that first step. And I’ll take it. Once I do, there won’t be any stopping me! For now the ‘to do’ list simply has one thing: keep climbing mountains and I mean that both figuratively and literally.

Tomorrow I’m heading up north with dad to celebrate the first year anniversary of granddad passing away. It’s a chance for me to revisit places Alex and I spent a lot of time and accept that’s part of the past, and it’s a chance to grieve but also acknowledge just how amazing granddad was and how mum we miss him, but also how ok we’re going to be.

So on that note, I’m going to leave this post with a bunch of quotes I found on this blog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/katie-wilkes/2014/12/20-quotes-that-all-20-year-olds-must-read/

“It’s better to have nobody than someone who is half there, or who doesn’t want to be there.”
Angelina Jolie

“You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you.”
Redvers Bailey

“I will not be your sometimes.”
Anonymous, Six Word Stories

“The hours between 12 AM and 6 AM have a funny habit of making you feel like you’re either on top of the world or under it.”
Unknown

“I crave space. It charges my batteries. It helps me breathe. Being around people can be so exhausting, because most of them love to take and barely know how to give. Except for a rare few.”
Katie Kacvinsky

“The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.”
Alysia Harris

“Give yourself permission to immediately walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. Just trust what you feel.”
Sonia Chuquette

“Nothing ever happens how you imagine it will.”
John Green

“Suddenly you’re 21 and you’re screaming along in the car to all the songs you listened to when you were sad in middle school and everything is different but everything is good.”
Unknown

“There had been too much emotion, too much damage, too much everything.”
Ernest Hemingway

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.”
Socrates

“If you don’t make time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a LOT of time dealing with a life you DON’T want.”
Kevin Ngo

“We can judge our progress by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers, our willingness to embrace what is true rather than what feels good.”
Carl Sagan

So just remember life is beautiful even when it feels like you’ve been sat on by a bus or a large horse. Always take a moment before you decided to get back up off the ground because the sky is pretty damn beautiful. If you’ve fallen face down though that doesn’t really apply, sometimes mud can be good for your skin. Just remember that. And if you’re lonely, get a cat…they’re remarkably uncomplicated, even the strange ones.

Now here’s a song.

And the continuous turn of events continues

When 2015 began I certainly didn’t see myself finishing it broke, jobless, and single. I also found my first grey hair today and I really wish that was the worst thing that had happened in the day. But it wasn’t. As I found myself sitting in my room of my parents home, the same room I lived in from ages 9 till 17, I couldn’t help but laugh at my life. I left five years ago after a break up, I left to study journalism in Hamilton and I had roughly $2,000 to my name. I was single, I had no job, I had very little money…but I did not have a grey hair. Now, five years later, I’ve returned with the same amount of money, no job, and single. It’s like nothing has changed yet I know everything has changed.

Here’s the thing about breaking up after four years: the world is a different place to navigate than the one I went into the relationship in. For starters, I’m now at an age where it’s like, do I make the change in relationship status public or private? When do I change it because I’m not quite ready to make it ‘official’ no matter how official it is. How do you go about dating again, not that that’s really on my to do list for some time. But how do you suddenly navigate a world where you’re suddenly four years older and have grey hairs appearing? A world where there are now things like Tinder? How do you actually even start again after four years turned into “I don’t feel the same way anymore” when you’d only just been talking about engagement and spending forever together less than six months before. Exactly how is it you get up and get on with life? The first thing people ask is how am I. I’m good. I’ve just come back from an amazing round the world trip and I have my horse back, I’ve found the perfect grazing for her just down the road, I have a cat, I have opportunities. I have an entire world at my feet…so I’m good.

But at the same time I feel like a truck has run over me because when I left, what I pictured coming back to was a very different landscape. My brain is still struggling to get itself around the fact I was in France a week ago and now I’m in New Zealand now it has to adapt to a whole new world.

And how do you go from picturing green paddocks and orchards and planting a veggie garden with someone to having no idea what the next step is?

Since I’m being honest, it’s also very hard to not decide to be a crazy cat lady forever when four out of five relationships have ended with “I just don’t feel the same way anymore”. Cool as guys. Super cool.

The best part about breaking up after one of the best breakup songs to date has just dropped: you ain’t alone in those tears. Cheers Adele.

So, let me reintroduce myself because this atomic bomb that’s gone off in slow motion over the past year has left me with a ringing in my ears and an inability to breath properly. I’m Sacha. I’m going to be 22 in a week, not even that. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. And I have two weddings to be the bridesmaid for. And I’ve got a broken tail bone. And I know at some stage my heart will heal from the pain of losing people, of the family dramas, of this break up. It will get better because I have a cat and I have a horse. I have a degree. And I’m still standing. Because I’m yet to find something in my 22 years that’s left me unable to get up again. That atomic bomb has sent me flying and I’ve probably cried more tears in the past 12 months than I’ve cried in my entire life. But it means I can still feel and the ringing in my ears is slowly easing and the dust is settling. And I’m going to be just fine.

Let’s do that again. I’m Sacha, I’ll be 22 shortly, I’ve travelled the world, I have a degree in communications (ironic at times), I have a diploma in journalism. I have a passion for helping people and I’m thinking about retraining and figuring out how to put all my skills to good use. I’m part of this cool organisation called YouthNet designed to help bridge gaps to see our youth suicide rate improve, actually I’d like us not to have one. I love to do yoga. I love God. I have an awesome horse called Ivy and a cat called Charlie, he’s a bit like me: he’s been through a bit of bullshit so he’s not too sure on the being too close to people thing, but he loves pats and he seems to love me. I’m not sure what’s going to happen in my life right now. I have a clean slate, I have a whole world ahead of me and I can do what I want with it. And I damn well will do just that. I can do that.

So to all the newly singles out there, cheers to you. And all those in great relationships: appreciate them.

Common, let’s do this.

Sigh.

So life has been kind of crazy. By crazy I mean like my cat after it was locked outside all night with a small baby bunny. Yes, he’s been on a murdering spree and keeps bringing in baby rabbits. I’m just glad he lives with Alex, not me, and I don’t have to clean up the baby bunny fur. I went to church the other day, which was lovely, and they said something about storms and getting through them. Yep, well, I’ve been in this hurricane like environment for quite some time now, I feel as though I am drowning in a pool of bills and failure and I am currently yelling but because there is so much wind no one can hear me.

That’s actually a very good metaphor for my life right now. Metaphor? Not sure, but I did pass school English I promise.

I have adopted this constant state of ‘piss me off and I will be picturing myself strangling you’. You know that feeling when you kind of just want to lie my head slowly on my desk and then remain there for…ever. That feeling. All the time.

But I have a fantastic bed. Which perhaps makes things worse because it would be so nice to be in it right now, forever, and never have to leave, but still have the ability to leave if I so desired. The weather has also been awful. By awful I mean constant wind, and rain, and more rain, and dark clouds making it feel like we’re about to start a horror movie. It’s November, it’s meant to be close to summer! The month where we all stop looking like characters off Twilight (without the sparkles) and look more like the total babes off Jordie Shore. (I’m kidding about the last part)

I shouldn’t be complaining, shortly we’ll all end up in a drought and as a result I will be complaining there is no rain and no grass and no food for the horse and it’s hot.

It’s 12.22pm and I have not yet had lunch, all I’ve eaten is a smoothie and a handful of nuts. I should probably eat.

Yes, food. That’s what I’m going to do now, fooooood.

The cold has gone!

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So here my day begins. I thought the above picture was a good way to start a morning blog. Finally, I have shaken this blasted cold! It is still hanging around like a stranger… after an awkward impromptu conversation has ended and you’re both waiting at the bus stop.
None the less, my spirits have lifted somewhat after realising I am able to lunge my horse in the morning (make it run around on the end of a rope to keep it fit, but it means I don’t have to ride), as I don’t have to ride, it means I can get ready in the dark for work, then go down to the paddock when it is light, and still (sort of) make it in time for work.
Wednesday’s are always good days, especially when one gets to go to council! Yes, I am well aware that statement does now make me seem anymore ‘normal’ or gives a vote of confidence to my mental state… but it has been of concern for years, I’m just rolling with it now.
So, with that, I am going to go and read through this delightful agenda and find me some stories!

Hot tea and time for the coats!

Winter is on its way. One more week and it’s here! As it gets colder I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. I am enjoying hot water bottles, cups of tea in bed, and listening to the rain. But when I get back into riding in the mornings I know I’m going to regret my enthusiasm for winter.

Mondayitis has set in and in between motivational songs I find myself wondering where we’re going from here. You know when things come to a bit of a standstill and it’s hard to get moving again? Yeah, I’m there.

It looks like I may be off to Turkey, Egypt, and Greece this time next year. Fingers crossed I can make it happen!

Lately I’ve been pretty tired, mainly from a lack of sleep, my immune system has been remarkably resilient to the cold that has been attacking nearly every person I have seen lately.

I have finally managed to conquer an awful case of writers block and can now string a sentence together rather than short statements.

Due to my amount of socializing last week, I have become allergic to people. Ok, that’s a bit of an over dramatization, but you know when you get to the point and it’s just like ‘I just can’t deal with your *$&%’….I’m there.

I am very thankful for a great family, and the good friends I do have.

Someone I met recently told me I worked too much. I laughed… and continued to laugh. I work hard, but not too much. I work a fulltime position and I love my job, so why would I not give it my all? Some day’s my all is not very much, other days it means I miss out on drunken nights. But I’m quite happy about that.

I love the opportunities I’ve had lately to help people, and have fun in my job. I mean, why would you want to do anything else if you’re in a good place?

Another person told me I should get out of my routine.

I laughed.

They say laughter is good for the soul… I must have a pretty healthy soul by now.

I love my friends, and I like advice, but I am amused by the ‘advice’ lately.

No, I’m not quitting my job because I can’t get drunk on a week night. Yes, I love my boyfriend, no I don’t want to travel right now, yes I will travel eventually. And yes, I do know what is best for me.

So as I am losing feeling in my fingers because it is so cold, even in the office, I’d better stop there. That and the day has galloped past me at a great rate and it is now 2.30pm and I have accomplished very little.

Peace out and keep warm! 

Back in business

When I received an email from work the other day my first thought was “NO, NOT BLOGGING!”

It was a reminder email we should not be using the work internet for personal use, blogging was the first example. Ops. I see it more as getting idea out of the way that would otherwise hinder my work process…somehow… I don’t think the sender would get that. None the less, I’ve been very good at trying to stick to this. There are just so many interesting things that I come across when researching for articles. I suppose that sort of counts as work stuff? 

After my little break down last week I have used this time of not blogging during work hours to do something called ‘pulling my socks up’ and got back on track of doing things that revolve around me at least twice a week so I don’t go completely mental. 

I am a total pro at doing too much, for too many people, too often. So, as I was doing something, on someday, at a particular time, I came to the realisation that I can change most things in my life, when I want. Stress is a perception I am told, and I realised just what that meant. I have control over my life, I get way to emotionally involved and care far too much about things that don’t require that level of giving two flying hoots. There are some things in life requiring one answer: wine, chocolate, crackers, a hot cup of tea, and bed. 

Yeah… the alcohol cutting out thing didn’t last all that long… but I have reduced it significantly to moments where one just needs her damn wine, thankfully these only really happen about once to twice a month. Tea seems to fix all problems of slightly lesser value. 

Winter is happily reminding me it is on its way with torturous cold mornings of 6 degrees Celsius. That might not seem that cold to some, but when it is dark, you are still waking up, and it used to be at least 10 degrees warmer a week ago…it’s not fun. Even my horse isn’t too keen on the whole idea. If anyone had have watched our ride down the road this morning they would have wondered if we were both drunk. I think the wonky line was Pip’s way of telling me ‘umm… I’d like to be in my paddock, and I know you will tell me off if I turn around, so I am just going to sort of indicate I want to go back in the direction of my paddock.’

It’s going to be a long winter.

I did however manage to get enough time this week to clean my room. My flatmate looked at me funny when I declined an evening get together at a warm bar to tidy. I gave myself a funny look, so I don’t blame her. But it was worth it to wake up this morning to see a super clean room and in crisp fresh sheets.

It was part of my war against the rats. They have managed to tear the wallpaper off in two corners of my room and rip up the carpet. No matter what I did, they kept coming back. I think they are gone, after realising they could not dig through concrete, and everything I could wash has been, including the teddies.

Next step is a cat. So they better hurry up and vacate!

My other flatmate is allergic to cats though… so not sure how to get around that one, other than a small dog. But somehow I think that may cause more damage than the rat. She, the flatmate, has not returned home. Her holidays finished a week ago, I’m not quite sure at what point one is meant to start being concerned?

Never the less, that has meant a house to myself many nights over the last week. The relaxation, time out, getting jobs done, setting time aside for Alex, drinking copious amounts of tea, have helped significantly in my recovering from near completely mental status.

So, as winter approaches I am thankful for good friends, a boy friend with a fire place, gloves, scarves, my incredibly snugly bed, heat pumps, and hot showers. Bring on the frosts, I am prepared! 

Not really, I’m only kidding. No frosts please!

Pill Popper

Being sick sucks. There is no worse feeling than having a head that feels like it’s full of rocks, sweating worse than a pig without mud and not being able to string together enough words to explain just how bad you feel. Alex being the amazing boyfriend he is, is taking good care of me but I am going mad. Being stuck in bed is not fun. Currently he’s working so he can’t tell me not to be using my laptop – evil laugh. 

I sent him off to town this morning to fetch me every kind of cold and flu pill ever invented and cough medicine that doesn’t taste like cherry. Seriously, who flavors anything cherry and vanilla? It’s just cruel. So after codeine, paracetamol and a few other things I’m able to open my eyes and sit up. And eat, I ate toast today, that’s progress. 

I actually want to go to class. I am going insane not doing anything! 

And everything hurts – aches. I want to cry but I don’t have the energy. I’m broken. Someone please fix me!