Rolling on through

Oh summer, where have you gone! December is always a bit of an iffy month…but part of me was still holding out for a beautiful sunny first week. Instead I am sitting behind my computer in Tauranga at 5pm wondering if we’re actually in Hamilton in the middle of winter.

Week one of work has so far gone quite smoothly. I’ve managed to remember how to file, how to do research, how to operate a PC computer (they’re of the devil I’m sure…), and I’ve learnt how to do invoices.

#winning

No, all jokes aside it looks like it’s going to be quite a cool job. I get great hours, good pay, and have time to learn all about different areas of the property market…which I am a bit obsessed with at times.

By the time this year ends I will have gone from having no job to having three quite good part time roles: admin/marketing, show home hostess (cheers dad), and Communications Consultant. Oh and don’t forget the cool title of ‘Youth Engagement Manager’ for YouthNet. All titles aside, pretty much I spend my day either talking to people about something I can do for them, or doing things for people that need to be done because they don’t want to do them. As for the youth one…the New Year should see that become more of a doing something and less of a ‘I’ve got a cool title and business cards!’.

Why have I gone from being all like ‘nooo, I want a life I don’t want to spend it working’, yet now have three jobs? Well, they’re all flexible which makes my heart sing and means I can actually exercise properly (I hope) but it’s also because I have grand plans for more travel come the end of the year.

When don’t I have grand plans?

I’ve managed to keep my pot plant alive thus far, my horse is so fat and has eaten so much grass she’s gone borderline mad, and the cat thinks life is better anywhere that I’m not…unless I’m feeding him. I don’t blame him. If I was a cat I’d spend all my days wandering around making friends.

Christmas is rolling around and I’m yet to even utter the words ‘Christmas shopping’, but I do have a plan for New Years celebrations and I’m hoping to get something of a in my two weeks off during office close down.

Then it’s off to Canada! Life never really does get boring!

So on that note I must leave with my pounding headache from a lack of sleep and too much coffee so I can see my fat horse and eat some food before I escape to church tonight for a ladies evening.

I will stop at some stage.

I think.

No promises though.

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Talking to my pizza

I’m losing my mind. It began last night when I started talking to my pizza, but not it has progressed to mistaking my headphone for the nuts I was eating. It doesn’t taste nearly as good as an almond.

Lately, my life has been taking a little more than steroids, and I’m actually losing track of the amount of stress causing things happening, I possibly think that is my brains way of maintaining some sort of sanity. I have had some wins lately, few and far between, but they make up for the seriously average times a little bit.

When feeling as though you could actually punch something, Google angry mad woman…it makes you feel considerably better.

I also try to find as many songs which are either sarcastic, or about things a little bit worse than my actually rather blessed life. My world is like a tar-sealed open highway, with a few pot holes and a bit of road kill here and there. Many people’s are like a gravel back road up a hill.

So I can’t really complain. But between the average weather, the amount of things I have to do before Christmas and the fact I have bills that are actually planning my death, I am feeling just a little bit like I am slowly drowning.

Good thing I’m a good swimmer and I’ve always been able to hold my breath for a considerable amount of time.

So is it going to be ok? Yep, with a lot of cups of tea, blankets, TV shows, quotes and bible verses, good friends, and remembering one day it will end and if you turn enough pages you get to the end of the chapter.

I did an interview with a 17-year-old yesterday. She said she doesn’t have an end goal yet, “I don’t really see an end at this point, I’m only 17, why think about the end?”
“I have never had a day I’m not motivated, you’re still getting closer to your goals. I don’t find I am unmotivated. You have to do it, you can’t expect things to just fall into your lap. You have to work hard. I don’t see any reason I shouldn’t be able to, as long as I work hard and I make progress, I don’t see any reason why I can’t do what I want.”

After listening to someone say that with such conviction, you can’t really walk away and not feel a little bit motivated to just keep on getting back up, it doesn’t matter how tired you are.

So now I’m off to find other food items I can chat to, while still trying to convince myself I have some sanity left to tide me through to the end of the year…oh you are beautiful cup of tea!

It is that time of year.

I’m not entirely sure how to start this blog. I’m not really sure about many things right now. You see, my horse, being the delightful creature it is, decided to throw me on my head. Well, it decided it didn’t want me on its back because I wouldn’t let it do what it wanted. It was my fault I fell on my head. That’s what happens when you don’t fall off often, you forget how to do it. Hence, I landed on my face/head/ribs/ shoulder.

Actually, I pretty much just gave the ground a great big bear hug at speed. Oh, and managed to punch myself in the face in the process. Just because falling off wasn’t bad enough.

Not even pea protein can fix this spacey mood.

It is also raining. Again. For the second week in a row. I blame the rain for me falling off in the first place. It rains: can’t ride. It rains some more: still can’t ride. Horse gets a little full of energy and I don’t have the same level of energy to keep my body on top of said horse.

It needs to stop raining.

I’m switching banks. I also brought a new phone. Too many changes all at once. I’m not a change person. I’m also selling a lot of horse gear. More change.

Hence: entirely unsure of how I feel right now.

I think I have a disorder of some type. Actually, I’m positive. Everyone seems to have a disorder of some kind now-a-days. I also didn’t get asked for ID at two separate supermarkets over the weekend. This makes me feel incredibly depressed.

We have now arrived at the time of year (winter in New Zealand) when getting out of a bed is a serious achievement. So, I plan on booking myself in for an appointment with the cranial guy to fix the head, and then devouring one of my 11 frozen meals (homemade) I have stock pilled so I don’t have to function as a useful human after the hour of 5.30pm. Then, I shall snuggle with my hot water bottle and watch random crap on my laptop and sulk about the rain.

Then sleep.

Sleeping makes it all better.

P.s, I’m actually in a good mood, but my head hurts, so for some reason, the only thing I seem to be able to write is depressing/ whinging. I do apologise.

 

White wash

My computer hates me. It just plots against me, waiting for a moment of weakness, then it strikes. Normally at the end of the day, and almost always when processing photos. I don’t like processing photos any more.

I did this weird thing this morning, it’s call ‘getting up ridiculously early’, I mean 5.40am early. Yes I know, why? My body didn’t get the memo that daylight savings had ended. As a result, I’ve been waking up an hour early. I thought, seeing as I am awake, I might as well actually get up and go ride my horse before work. Apparently my body just wanted to be awake, it didn’t actually want to do anything at that time. I now have a vice like headache and strange vision, kind of like someone went a bit crazy with the brighten tool on a photograph. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a good thing… but that’s ok. 

I am actually glad I got up early, I can now drag my poor, tired brain home – I was going to do grocery shopping, but I think that might be a bit much for it – see my other horse, then curl up in bed for some good old program watching. Nothing could sound more inviting with a headache and clouds outside! 

I actually came on here to be all deep and talk about quotes and secrets and what not… but there is a limit to my depth and seriousness when in pain… my sarcastic side sort of runs rampant over my body. I therefore may just wait until inspiration strikes me and I feel the need to let you all know.

Bye for now.

A day in the life of a journalist

Here we go again. Early morning. Brain refuses to work. Sigh. Coffee- not an option. Heart races. Head spins. Need coffee- but it will make it worse. So, no coffee. Tired. So so tired. Thats ok. Nurofen. Take 3. Headache kind’ve cured. 

Walking along. Freezing cold. Wishing I’d brought a coat. See coffee cart. Wish I could drink coffee. Decide to write a story on them. Perhaps that will make up for lack of drinking coffee. 

Few good quotes. Find other people to talk to. More good quotes. Get back to ‘news room’. Pitch idea. Realize it’s a leading news story. Perfect. Write. Send. Publish. 

Woohoo! 

One down. Two to go. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Tired. Worn out. Happy.

This is making it. 

Slowly.

Little bit of a thinking nightmare.

As I was wandering around the show grounds at horse of the year I couldn’t help but think. It’s insane to realize what has happened in 4 years. For a start I got 4 years older. I was nearly 16 when I got the horse I have now. That doesn’t seem that long ago but it really was. The people I have met, the people I have known and the people that I have time and time again tried to forget is crazy huge. Like the kind of huge 3rd year work load is. 

I mean, when you’re 15 and you look ahead in your life there are so many things you can’t wait for. There are so many things you are yet to discover. I know I’m still young. But I’m old compared to when I was 15. That might not make much sense but think about it. When you were 15, what did you think the 20 year old you would be doing? Is it what you’re actually doing? 

When I think about it, it’s exactly where I wanted to be. I just doesn’t feel the way I thought it would feel. I’m not strong and powerful and all growed up. I’m young and vulnerable and constantly stressed. I’m getting there. But where I am now is not made. Not done. There is so much more to do. But back then I couldn’t wait till I got to now. Because then I’d be happy. 

I thought that I would be excited and fun loving and full of confidence. I would have different friends. I would be different. I have all the things and I am all the things I wanted to be. But I am not feeling much different to how I felt back then.

I’m happy. Very much. More glad and thankful than anything. It’s a different happy. So is the journey of Sacha Harwood happening right now? Perhaps. 

This is a crazy deep post tonight! Maybe I did need that codeine after all. This headache is killer. 

Besides the increasingly concerning illness that doesn’t seem to take a hike – more prevent me from taking one, things are great. 

Things are always great aren’t they? 

I think at the end of the day you always get what you set out to get. You achieve what you want to achieve. It just doesn’t always fit you the way your old pair of shoes did. 

Those high heals are a blah beep. But they’re going to get you further from here than those slippers you’ve been wearing since high school.

It’s grown up time.