A walk up struggle street

It think it’s hard to be out of control of your life. There are decision, and then there are things that just sort of happen. And I do believe a lot of that is just the straw you drew. You know when you’re a kid and you had to pick the longest straw in order to get to make the decision? It didn’t matter how much you thought about it or even really your guess…it was simply down to luck. The rest of it, was just making the most of the straw you drew.

Right now my straw is the middle one.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressed. I’m not stressed about how much I have on. I’m a busy person, I love that. I had a whole afternoon to myself and I spent it deciding on tattoos and flights to another country…and that’s why I should only have a limited amount of free time!

I’m stressed because of the things out of my control.

My thyroid results were good. I should be very happy with them. But they want to run extra tests. That’s fine, that’s normal. But I think there is never a point in which ‘we want to run extra tests to rule out cancer’ becomes an easy thing to digest. Not at 22. Not ever. Not when you know what that looks like in the long run. Not when you have for the past few years realised the same thing has been said to people who it has become a reality for. And it’s almost impossible to understand the uncontrollable concern that comes with living with a condition that can change so much of your life so quickly…and with very little warning.

I am completely at the mercy of what my body decided to do…

And that at times is incredibly difficult.

I think personally, I’ve come to terms with things like the idea that if it all goes wrong, I might not have a family. I’ve come to terms with many, many things to do with this condition. I’ve thought about quantity verse quality if it becomes a cancerous node. I’ve educated myself best I can and I’ve considered all options from best case to worst case scenario.

And you could say don’t worry until you need to…

But I think preparing yourself for every outcome is wise, because you never really do know.

For me it’s never about myself anymore. It’s about who I’m with, it’s about a future family, it’s about the other persons hopes and dreams for life. And the weight of that, when I have little control over the outcome, is terrifying.


In three months I will have no job.

I have absolutely no idea where I am headed next. I have so many ideas and dreams for life and zero idea how to make those happen in a short time frame.

I am terrified on so many different levels of life and the weight of that this week has definitely sunk well into my soul.

Perhaps I’m just a little bit worn down from several years of repetitive bad news. But it’s certainly made me appreciate the moments of sunshine.

There are these little moments, like when the day is sunny and I walk out of the office and it just fills my whole body with warmth. Or days when the sun is setting and I race down to the beach to catch the perfect photo and I feel my toes in the sand and the waves crashing and it just feels like home. Or the times on the mountain snowboarding when it’s just a beautiful day and I look down at how tiny it all seems from so high up. Or moments when I taste a really good coffee or a waiter is super helpful with food I can eat. Or times I just snuggle into my horse and breathe in that musty smell and I feel this little moment of utter peace. There are these moments in life I think I used to miss a lot of the time.

Before the dodgy teachers, before the broken relationships, before the health problems, before cancer got to people I love, before people died, before I missed out on sporting dreams…I don’t think I really understood how beautiful those moments were.

Sometimes I just sit somewhere in town and watch people walk past. Or I buy myself something as simple as a nice face wash. Those things remind me of the good parts, of the really nice parts.

It’s not all bad. And often the big scary things in life seem so big and so scary they take over those little moment of joy.

Jobless and cancer are two pretty scary concepts. And it’s about the only time I ever feel young and ill equipped…because I don’t know how to cope with those.

I’m sure it will work out. I’ll find a good job and the tests will come back as we expect; clear and providing certainty and hope.

But there is always, always in the back of my mind that little ‘well what if they don’t?’

And the worst part about is it is it’s not even just the product of an overactive mind coming up with things to worry about. They are real concerns and real possibilities.

That’s the scary part.

I want so much for life. I want to change so many things in other peoples lives. And I find standstill the most frustrating setting.

But like everything, it’s just a season. And seasons change. Each has it’s own negatives and its positives. I think, after awhile, you just kind of learn to accept that.

Even just learning to accept that sadness and hold on for the ride…that’s a pretty big lesson in itself.

But lately I’ve been taking a walk or two up struggle street.

And you know what, that’s actually ok too.




Little titbits

I have had so many thoughts to put down on here lately, but unfortunately they either slip away when I go to write, or I get so busy I forget about them. But, since I feel like I can’t let them all go totally to waste, I thought I’d jot a few things I’ve noticed about myself, and my life, lately.

– My thyroid is happy! I can’t tell you how happy this makes me to tell you this. I’ve finally reached a point where I think it’s manageable. There is still so much more to the journey, but I think one of the worst things to deny myself is the celebration of making it this far. It’s a whole lot further than I ever imagined, and it sure is 10 times further than what anyone else ever expected.

– People have often told me hindsight is a wonderful thing. What I have come to realise lately is no one can see the future. It’s easy to look at someone who’s ‘made it’…but the reality is they had no idea they were ‘making it’ when they were. They didn’t know when they got to that point of being someone. They just were, they just went after what they wanted and didn’t stop. They had no more of an idea of how to or if they were making it than any of us have right now…

– Take things slowly, but don’t ever stop going after them. With the Cricket World Cup inspiring me to watch cricket, I took two things from it: don’t ever stop being gracious, the world is always watching. And when you get kicked to the curb because people don’t think you have it anyone (like one of the players had perviously) keep trying. Because it doesn’t mean your time is up. It doesn’t mean you can’t get back in game. The only thing you have to do is not give up, figure out where you’re going wrong, fix it. Get back on the horse.

– Always breathe. It keeps you alive. And sane…just one deep breath at a time.

– Sometimes you can’t always do what you want to do. This is often said in many various forms by adults to children or teens. But what I mean by it is you can’t always stop loving people when you want to, you can’t always accept others in the way you want to, you can’t always forgive people when you need to, you can’t always connect with someone on the level you should. You can’t control emotions, and I’ve spent most of my life trying. I finally reached a point of acceptance of myself when I accepted I feel things I didn’t want to, and I’m ok with that…it’s just learning how to manage that.

– Do what you need to do to survive in the best way you know possible. Not everyone is going to like how you live your life, not everyone is going to appreciate the decisions you make, but if you know in your heart it’s right…don’t stop listening to yourself. Believe it or not, I took this from the whole One Direction debacle.

So in summary, what do all these little titbits mean in relevance to my life? In short, I did what no one thought I could do and have my thyroid at a very acceptable level, using only natural methods. I’m often afraid of what’s ahead with my writing and where it will take me, Cambodia being my biggest fear currently, but I have faith it’s going to be just how it should be. I’m not giving up on my goals of winning a rider class at Horse Of the Year. Mardy might be that horse, he might not. Time will tell, but I’m not giving up, I’m just taking it one step at a time. I’m not stressing, because I’m breathing before any decision I make….trust me, the difference is huge.

And lastly, I’ve struggled a lot to let go, to move on, to forgive people both in my present and past, and to accept I can’t control how I feel…it only creates more problems trying to. Men can be assholes, but I’ve spent a lot of my life letting them treat me that way. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I’m making the right decision on how I act, and what I accept as an ok way to treat me. I value myself more than I ever have, and that’s a really nice place to get to.

All in all, I hope this offered you some inspiration! I hope to be back to my normal funny(ish) sarcastic self with a few off days every now and then in no time.

Long winded ramble about my life

I thought it’s time for another post… as my last one was a bit down in the dumps! I received my latest thyroid results yesterday…

They have improved even more from the last time, three months ago. I have had three tests since on homeopathic treatment. But I thought it was probably time I put it in perspective. (Ironically I sit in my bed at home, sick from work…but that’s another story).

Four years ago I began suffering extreme symptoms of an over active thyroid. I would see things out of the corner of my eye, shadows, movement, shapes. I had extreme paranoia, I couldn’t sleep, I felt nauseous and dizzy all the time, I was hot even in the middle of winter, in summer I would want to crawl into a hole and die because I was so over heated. My heart would race like I had been completing a marathon even if I was resting…not that I could rest.

I ate milkshakes, pasta and cheese, cupcakes…my diet consisted of McDonalds, roast meals with gravy, veggies three times a week, ice cream, alcohol (the premix stuff), lollies, pasta and cheese, milkshakes, coffee.

I had been to the doctor four times that year I think, it could have been more, but I lost count. That was 2011-2012. They finally realised I had an overactive thyroid.

The marker on a blood test to show this (there are three of them, but one is significant). It’s called the TSH and it should be between 0.3 and 5.0.

Mine sat at 0.05 well under half of what is should be at, but even 0.3 is bad. 2.0 is perfect.

I was taking natural supplements and began to change my diet after I suffered a thyroid storm and ended up in hospital on an IV, morphine, codeine, paracetamol, and anti nausea drugs. I was this strange shade of white and my eyes started to yellow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex so frightened as he was when he walked in an saw me after days of getting increasingly ill. When you get so sick you think you’re dying, cutting food you love out doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

Anyway, the naturopath was fantastic, she worked wonders, but the supplements were only keeping things at bay rather than solving the problem. My thyroid was still overactive, my symptoms were just being managed.

Though I was an incredible sceptic, I walked into the homeopath across the road from work and made an appointment. I never once thought this would work, I wanted it to so badly, but I didn’t actually believe it would.

Less than a year on from that first appointment, my latest blood test shows my TSH at 0.81, now well inside the 0.3-5.0

There are still many questions that need answering now that it’s all ok…but I’ll be going back to the doctor to ask them, and also to see the reaction when I tell her I never took the medication and the results are from homeopathic treatment.

I have however discovered I am likely to have asthma…after a week of difficultly breathing I had a minor panic attack in the bathroom at work yesterday. I think my body started freaking out it couldn’t get enough oxygen. Being the clever person I am, I hadn’t realised just how little air I was getting until my throat became so tight I freaked out.

We have a family history of asthma and it’s easily treatable, so I’m hoping it’s that and not some other sinister underlying health issue that I don’t know about.

Time will tell I suppose.

The reason I am home is a) because my chest hurts and b) I still can’t breathe properly and c) I think my body has just decided it needed a mini break after getting back to work and gave me a great headache.

Anyway, the point of this blog was to say that I know I often complain on here but I am very blessed to be able to fix the things that held me back in life so much. And I urge people who might be struggling with something or have had confusing information from a doctor, to see a naturopath or homeopath. Start somewhere, and sort it. It’s worth it in the long run!

I don’t want to be an adult anymore

I don’t think my problem is stress, I think my problem is adulthood. This is a particularly hard problem to solve, being I can’t really avoid growing up. As much as I’d love to try.

I’m pretty sure mum and dad don’t really want me back at their place, sitting on the couch, eating all their food, for the rest of my life…so here’s the problem.

When you become an adult you have to be this thing called ‘organised’. The dishes have to be done, the washing needs to be washed, the bills have to be paid on time, shop for food, manage savings, make food, get to work on time, make it to appointments, then there are the ‘other’ things in life.

You know those days where you got up, went outside to play and imagine? Take me back to that! Now I think I might get a few weird looks if I start building huts in the middle of a council reserve…

I love my relationship, but you get to the age where it’s like, “Where to next?” “How can we make this work when we live totally different lives?” “Where is the line in compromise?”

There are work and career goals, what do I want? Where do I want to go? How do I get there? And I have to do my job well and get things right and remember things and make sure I human properly everyday.

People are getting married…what do I even do as a bridesmaid?!

Then I get to my grocery list…by then I’m just walking through the supermarket dragging the products I know off the shelves and staring blankly at the checkout lady.

It’s like 21 hits and suddenly you have to be a responsible adult and make all these decisions…and I don’t know if I’m ok with that. I was never consulted before being launched into this madness that is the ‘real’ world!

So amongst all this I have decided it is time to go back to the doctor for a “tell me what is actually going to happen to me now I have my symptoms under control”. Now I am older, have done my research, and am not taking any s*** from doctors who think I have no idea about my own body. That, and I have done so much googling, google has actually run out of answers to give me. So I figured I should probably consult a doctor…fingers crossed I can find one who listens to me.

I’m being a grown up…and it’s just a bit tricky.

No wonder I am developing frown lines!

I think it’s time for this…

It’s time to get personal. No, not the kind where I get all emotional and what not… the kind where I dish out a little bit of reality.

I’ve been gluten free for nearly three months now…actually it could be longer, I don’t count days. Lately they’ve been all blurring together like one big happy nightmare. I’ve been dairy and wheat free consistently for a year and keep my sugar intake as low as possible without going insane when eating out (there is no hateful look quite like the one a waiter gives you when you ask if it has gluten, dairy, or sugar in it), but it’s been a slow journey over the past three years.

So this is how it is from the point of view of a dairy needing, pasta munching, sugar craving, alcohol drinking human…until I moved to Hamilton.

I lived off pasta and cheese. Every time I was sick through my childhood, it’s what I ate. I loved pies, I loved take-a-ways, I loved every single kind of whipped cream, milk containing, glutenous product there was.

No, I never put on weight. I could eat anything! “You’re so lucky!” I was always told… because I could eat anything.

No, no I couldn’t eat anything. My whole life I have been dairy and wheat intolerant. I just had no idea.

So what’s it been like? FREAKING FANTASTIC!

Ok, so cutting gluten out isn’t the easiest thing in the world, yes, yes that pie you’re eating in front of me when I am very hungry because I have to walk an extra two km to get something gluten free does look freaking amazing… but you know what looks better? My insides.

Do I want a piece of my favourite type of cake you’ve just ordered for the office to eat…and then left it right in front of me while I eat my lunch? Yep. Yep I do.

Easy. No. There is nothing easy about doing something that most people don’t actually understand. But there is something fantastic about how I feel.

I have a major health condition pretty much completely under control. My skin is a million times better.

People almost always look at weight as a measure of ‘health’. This is just plain wrong. While I love the fact it is unlikely something I will have to worry about while on a gluten and dairy free diet, it is far from the reason I do it.

So, here is the world through my eyes since getting it together and deciding I want the best for myself.

The -it’s too hard-
One of the things I hear most often is ‘I’d die if I had to do that!’ No…no you wouldn’t. You might, doing what you’re doing. But no, you won’t die without cake. That sounds mean, but it’s true. And it’s very hard not to retaliate with it.

The -I can do what I want!-
Then there is the ‘I’m so glad I can eat whatever I want’…well yes, so can I. But that sluggish feeling you get? The headaches? The weight? Actually many things that you might not even know are going on with your body, are happening because you eat whatever you want. I can put whatever I want into my body, but I choose not to damage it that way. I choose to be healthier and happier. And I choose not to slowly kill myself with gluten.

The -but you don’t need to lose weight!-
This is often followed up by ‘But you’re so thin! Why would you need to be on a diet?’ When I google definition of diet it comes up with 1) the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.

I am not on a diet where I plan to lose weight. I do this, because like I put the right fuel in my car to make it work, I want the right fuel to make my body work. It doesn’t always, like my car, but it works far better than if I were to put diesel in a car that takes unleaded 91 petrol.

The -makes me want to punch you in the face-
The moment someone says ‘you’re too healthy’ I actually want to hit them. There is no such thing! Sure, people can go waaaay over board with a diet, but then that would be unhealthy. Hence, no such thing. In this world, everyone wants to put a too infront of whatever you are ‘you’re too thin’ ‘you’re too fat’ ‘you’re too tall’ ‘you’re too small’ ‘you’re too healthy’ ‘you’re too unhealthy’. Whatever it is, you’re too much of it. I am not doing this to please men, nor am I doing it to please anyone other than my stomach. When I am writhing in pain because of what I ate, I am not very happy. So, why would I want to eat foods that make my mouth happy for two seconds, and the rest of me unhappy forever?

The -you have a lot of self control-
Yeah…I also have a great imagination…for the last half hour I’ve been picturing myself starting a food fight, covering you in whatever thing I used to love eating. Normally during these visions I have a very angry and wild look on my face.

A lot actually. Other than the bakery section of the supermarket, there is almost always a sugar free (and I don’t mean diet coke where it’s just replaced with a whole bunch of other chemicals, I mean actually free from sugar and it’s artificial substitutes), gluten free, dairy free way of doing it. You have to get creative. I have become a far better cook and LOVE eating now far more than I ever did.

So how is life now?

Fantastic! But there is still so much I am learning about my body and what it needs to make it function properly. People often start down the natural health track and expect results in weeks, or months. It takes years. Once you solve on problem, often another will surface and it can feel like you’re constantly putting out fires.

Worth it?

Yes. Eventually I will get to a place where I feel really happy with my body, and it feels happy with me. Most of the time it is like that. But I still need more sleep, more water, more greens, less meat, and it goes on. It always does. It’s about learning which steps to take when, and what’s right for you and your sanity.

What have I noticed physically?

My skin was the number one. Though it still has its moments, I am comfortable around people without makeup, I wear less of it in general, it is brighter and my eyes are happier. I was so unhappy with the awful blemishes I had, and the fact my eyebrows never grew. Now, I have eyebrows and my skin doesn’t break out to the extent I cry in front of the mirror.

My weight. Though I never put on huge amounts, it was always up and down. I would put on 5kgs in a week and then lose it randomly. My boobs were changing size all the time, my face would puff up randomly, my stomach was always bloated so I never knew how big it actually was. Now, the weight is spread evenly across my body and I have only fluctuated a kg or two at a time and never quickly. For me this is a huge relief… and I can shop for what I want and not freak out it won’t fit me the same in a week!

My hair grows! It would grow before, but always ratty and upset. I can style it with hot irons every day and go eight weeks between cuts now and still feel like it is full and healthy…and it grows at twice the rate!

For me it was changing how I thought about food. Rather than thinking about my taste buds all the time, I think about it as a fuel. What am I getting out of this? And it makes it worth spending money on it now! I am equipping my body for the day, and when it’s not performing, I look at my diet and find out why. How can I fix it? Rather than we have a problem, let’s just take a painkiller and hope it stops.

p.s after reducing alcohol to once a month for five months, I can now drink a couple of glasses of wine and not feel any adverse side effects (before I was in pain with half a glass and felt awful the next day). My body is detoxing better and it is able to handle it when I have a day where I eat more sugar or drink alcohol. By giving it a break, it was like a reset.

Anyway, that’s my health rant over for now.

Cheerio until next time.

Hello normal

I’ve been normal my whole life. I never knew there was anything particularly different about me. I had normal grades, I was average height, weight, my hair was average length and colour. I was normal in every single aspect of the word.

I was sick a bit when I was 12, but I came right. I left home and continued with life. Until one summer, when I was particularly ill. Nothing can quite describe how it feels when the thing that controls all your hormones has a melt down, and while I have not taken P or LSD or anything like that before, nor do intend to, but it is what I imagine it might feel like to have a mildly bad trip constantly.

The seeing things, the energy levels then sudden crashes, the lack of immune system, the bad hair, bad nails, bad skin. It is like your entire body is having a melt down… and you are powerless to stop it.

That’s what the doctors say anyway. There is nothing to do except take the medication and have the surgery. Oh, then they hand you this really cool pamphlet full of all these really exciting side effects like ‘lethargy, headaches, tummy pains, dizziness, nausea’.

So I said I was doing it my way.

Doctors give you this look when you tell them you’re taking natural supplements. I mean no disrespect, we need them, but there is this insane inability to believe anything except synthetic medication will improve your condition and/or manage it. In New Zealand anyway.

So I stopped telling them I was going to fix it using natural and homeopathic remedies. I doubted it myself. Even my boyfriend I think thought I was going mad when I cut out dairy, gluten, processed sugar, and actually most things with crap in it.

It took three years of hospital visits, a lack of ability to stick to the diet (pancakes always got the better of me) and many many many breakouts where I just sat on the floor and cried because there was no way I could make my skin better.

I have gone through four years of one hellish roller coaster.

Then… I got my latest blood test results.

I have not taken any of the doctors prescribed medication. I was actually shaking when I went to have the blood tests, because this was the final test I said to myself. If nothing had changed, I was going to have to look at the doctors options.

My thyroid levels are with normal range. All three of the indicators are normal.


I hated that term, I really really hated that at school. But now, man, there is no better feeling than looking at those results, knowing how bad they used to be, and knowing I did it in my own control, and I never had to put anything that didn’t belong in there.

Perhaps natural doesn’t work for everyone, and it’s hard, and it’s costly, and it’s frustrating, but the reward is so incredibly great I would never put a price on that.

My health and actually FEELING healthy and looking healthy and loving who I am is so much more important to me than money. The hard work paid off, and there is no better feeling.

Hello normal, let’s be friends.

This is why I eat healthy: it’s not to be skinny!

I know I’m not meant to be blogging, I have so much work to get done! But I’m hiding my to do list under my dirty plate and cup of tea just for a little bit while I get yet another spiel off my mind.

I often get asked about the way I eat. Actually, it’s surprising how many people associate eating healthy with losing weight.

That is not at all why I eat healthy.

I eat healthy because I deserve so much better than what I dished out to myself every day. As you all know by now, I have a beautiful list of ‘health issues’. I see them as blessings, but each to their own. They gave me the wake up call I needed, and here I am.

Why don’t I drink? I just don’t really like it any more. I mean, I enjoy the glass of wine with a friend, or after a really long week. But I don’t drink because I don’t need to any more. I dance without alcohol, no matter how bad or who’s watching. I prefer to be sober when I talk to people because I have this terrible trait of forgetting everything someone says to me when alcohol is involved. I just like being who I am, all the time. I don’t really like the alcohol version of myself. Not because I do anything bad, she’s just no where near as cool as the sober version.

Why I don’t eat dairy? Well, it started when I had really really really bad break outs. I hated my skin. I didn’t look after it at all. I went to every length I could to get rid of how awful it looked. I NEVER let people see me without make-up. I still have issues with going out in public without it on even though I have pretty good skin now. The last thing I did before I went to bed was to take my make-up off so the amount of time I could accidentally see my skin was limited. When I cut out dairy, I started to see a huge change in my skin and as a result, I love my skin. I want to nourish it and love it. I want it to shine and I don’t want to cover it up.

Why I don’t eat gluten? I just don’t really like hallucinating to tell you the truth. If I was one to do drugs, acid would never have been one of them. Yes, eating gluten over long periods of time turns me into a nut job. I don’t actually know how I kept being somewhat sane through my life. It triggers my thyroid for starters, and it prevents my body from absorbing B vitamins. These over time lead to a raft of ‘me being a crazy person’ characteristics. I don’t want that. I want to feel like me, I want to be in control of me. I want to know when I see a dark shadow run past, it actually was a cat… not some crazy demon coming to get me. Yes, it gets bad.

Why I don’t eat sugary crap? Yeah, I still eat sugar sometimes, but it can be hard when you try to cut out sugar and everything else at the same time! So I’m still working on this one. But It’s just bad. Why would I put something in my body that is doing absolutely no good? Silly.

Why I love my greens and my smoothies? To tell you the truth, it’s actually because I hate chewing, so it’s easier when it’s all in one cup. But I need all that amazing goodness to make my skin nice, my body have energy. I want to be bubbly and beautiful. So if I can get that by eating well, why would I not?

Why I love my sleep? Sleep helps to reduce the wrinkles I am well aware are developing on my face. It helps me think, it helps me stay calm, it helps me cope. It is my time out and if I give that up for you, you must be a pretty special person to me.

So… that’s actually really brief for how long I could go on about my health.

But in short, I eat well because I love who I am. I want to look in the mirror and think ‘man, I’m a babe’ I want to run out and see people with no make-up on. I want to love summer when I can not wear make-up at the beach.

When I eat well, I am proving to myself that I love who I am and want the best for myself. When I put the crappy food first, I’m saying I value that more than being in love with myself.

It is the same way I want to make my relationship the best it can be with my partner. I don’t cheat and I don’t do things to hurt him because I love him and I want to be with him forever.

Likewise I want to love myself forever and I want to show myself that is the case.

So with that, it’s time for home-made bacon bone soup.

The cold has gone!


So here my day begins. I thought the above picture was a good way to start a morning blog. Finally, I have shaken this blasted cold! It is still hanging around like a stranger… after an awkward impromptu conversation has ended and you’re both waiting at the bus stop.
None the less, my spirits have lifted somewhat after realising I am able to lunge my horse in the morning (make it run around on the end of a rope to keep it fit, but it means I don’t have to ride), as I don’t have to ride, it means I can get ready in the dark for work, then go down to the paddock when it is light, and still (sort of) make it in time for work.
Wednesday’s are always good days, especially when one gets to go to council! Yes, I am well aware that statement does now make me seem anymore ‘normal’ or gives a vote of confidence to my mental state… but it has been of concern for years, I’m just rolling with it now.
So, with that, I am going to go and read through this delightful agenda and find me some stories!

Up lift

So, because I am in a bit of a chirpy mood (my neck being out is causing strange things to happen with my brain), I thought I’d post a few cool little quotes, tips and thing-a-ma-gigs (meant to be said fast in your head) that I have learnt lately on here to give you all a bit of my chirp!


Green Tea:

If you want a fresh-faced look in the morning, add a few green tea leaves to your facewash, I use a cut open tea bag because it’s cheep. It feels awesome and gives you a nice glow.

Liver Detox:

I am currently trying a cool new (expensive) tea. Having had very temperamental skin as of late, I decided it was time to get rid of all the baddies. No alcohol for the next month, lots of fresh dark leafy greens, pea protein smoothies with freaking everything in them, and this tea stuff that has fennel, milk thistle, globe artichoke, peppermint, calendula, and dandelion root. 


“We hardly ever realize that we can cut anything out of our lives, anytime, in the blink of an eye.” ~Carlos Castaneda



There are so many uses for them I never knew of! (hopefully you can all view this link: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=660531267351863&id=642763002462023&substory_index=0) 

In short though, this is a few uses:

1. Fat busting: Do you ever wonder why women put cucumbers on their eyes to relieve puffiness? The photochemical in cucumbers makes the collagen in your skin tighten, thus the lack of puffiness. Did you know that you can rub a cucumber on a problematic spot of cellulite anywhere on your body to lessen the visibility of it? Did you also know that it has the same effect on wrinkles? Wow, it makes purchasing those fifty dollar creams seem a little silly, doesn’t it? You can also rub a little bit under your kiddo’s eyes after a long bout of crying to avoid that puffy ‘I cried for an hour straight’ look.

2. Defogger: Do you get annoyed when you get out of the shower and you have to fight the fog on the mirror? Who has time for that when the kids will be awake at any moment? Try rubbing a slice of cucumber on the mirror before you hop in and not only will you get a fog-free mirror, but you’ll have a nice smell that will boost your mood.

3. Headaches: If you suffer from headaches from chasing your babies all day (or pets or your husband), or had a little too much wine with dinner and want to avoid a hangover, eat half of a cucumber before bed. Cucumbers are high in B vitamins, sugar, and electrolytes, and they replenish the nutrients missing in your body to help you avoid a hang over or to beat that headache that’s been threatening to take over.

10. Frugal facial: Slice up a cucumber and boil it in a pot of water. The chemicals inside of the cucumber will mix with the steam. Remove the pot from heat and lean over it, letting the steam hit you. Your skin will be more radiant and healthy, and you will feel relaxed and rejuvenated.


“You can’t truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.”


Pea Protein:

(Woohoo! No dairy in it!) 

My intention when I started eating this stuff was not to build muscle, but when my abs started to appear from their usually soft outer shell, I became quickly disappointed bikini season is over. Never the less, I realised this was a pretty good sign it is giving my body the boost it needs! 
This stuff can be expensive, but shop around and you’ll find cheaper versions. Mine cost $30 for a big bag. I would seriously recommend to anyone. If you’re feeling like you’re running out of energy, want to build a bit of muscle, just need that ‘push’ to mange the day, then this is for you. It tastes pretty bad, so you’ve got to up the berries if adding to a smoothie, but once you get the balance right it is terrific! Should be available in most health stores. 


These are quite a key ingredient in one’s life. Even if you don’t see them often, quality talking time is the best remedy for de-stressing. Just being honest with someone, and being completely yourself is always a nice relaxer! 

Get that butt out of bed:

I mean it. I am a late night person, but I decided that this wasn’t going to work for my life any more. So I did a switcheroo. I now get up at 5.45am, just before the sun does. I have enough time to ride my horse, make my lunch, whip up a smoothie, have a shower, make my bed (not really, but close enough), do my make-up, get dressed (key part to most days), and whatever other little chore eg. hanging out the washing, before leaving for work at 7.40am. 

After I have convinced my body that it is in fact a reasonable time to get out of my beds snugly hold, I am able to get much more done than if I waited till after work. My brain hasn’t used up it’s power, if I’ve had a bad day it doesn’t affect my horse riding, and I don’t leave the house feeling stressed. 

It does mean earlier nights :/ so that means less days to go out with friends. But I have designated one morning where I get to ‘sleep in’ till 6.30am, meaning I don’t have to go to sleep until 10.30pm. 


“Life’s problems wouldn’t be called hurdles if there wasn’t a way to get over them.” ~Author Unknown


“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman


“Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” ~Swedish Proverb


So there you have it. 

I have decided since talking to the endocrinologist about my thyroid, that it was time to cut out the crap. No more excuses and piss poor efforts at self control. If I want to be happy, healthy, and working at my full capacity, and expect great things constantly from my body, it was about time I got real. I can’t expect it to function if I don’t program it properly! So, bye bye bad stuff!

On a treadmill

I seem to be doing everything wrong lately. Ok, that’s a bit of an over dramatisation… but it has lead to this constant feeling of apologetic dread in my stomach. Trust me, I’m not trying to annoy people! It just seems to be happening. The other day I forgot to sweep up after my horses feet were trimmed. I felt ridiculously bad. Then today, in my mad rush to get out the door I managed to leave the oven on. Now, I just feel as though I am permanently in trouble… you know that feeling you used to get when your mother told you off? Well, it’s like that but worse because when it’s not your mother, you don’t get automatic rights to forgiveness and love. 

I simply cannot win. I have to stretch myself thinly to be able to get things done, you know like eating healthy, cleaning the house, riding the horse/ keeping fit, doing my job, seeing my boyfriend, and working on my column on weekends, plus family stuff in between that. All things I kind of can’t not do. 

As a result of trying to do a million necessary things at once, I get rushed, and as a result of being rushed, my mind forgets things it feels are not necessary to be remembered. It apparently didn’t get the memo that ovens aren’t good things to be left on…

This is the primary reason I was going to live alone. No, not so I could burn down the house. But because if you’re alone, your mistakes are primarily yours to clean up… that and the whole feeling bad thing is reduced significantly due to there being no one to witness the failure that is me doing 10 times the amount of things I should be. 

Unfortunately avoiding man kind isn’t really something I am in the position to do… the whole being a journalist and all. So while I, and the people around me, are still coming to terms with the fact I am not super human I’m going to have to do something to sort my life into an organised version of my stickynoted desk.

The older I get the actual value of the different things in my life become more apparent. Things like my health and my family just come first, my relationship has to follow those. 

I can’t do everything.

I just have to figure out what has got to give, or how to organise it so I can actually do this sleeping and slowing down thing people talk about.