This past week has really not been my week. In the long run I may very well look back and think ‘man, I’m glad that went that way’…but I can tell you right now, it does not feel the slightest bit pleasant.
I wrote a blog a little while ago about living outside your comfort zone, because that’s where you grow. Things happen there.
Well I’m pleased to report: I no longer have a comfort zone.
On Friday I was told I am going to be made redundant.
I’m sure it’ll all be fine. And very well meaning and kind people tell me that. But I can assure you, facing being jobless really freaking sucks.
If anything these last few weeks (and years) have taught me: it does not matter how well you play your cards in life, it does not matter how ‘well’ you do things…at any given moment it can really just all go wrong…and keep going wrong.
And you have zero control over that.
But I’m lucky. I live at home. I have very few big costs each month at the moment and I work more than one job so I still have some money coming in!
The thing though about so many things just not really going to plan is you learn to live well outside your comfort zone.
I’ve applied for jobs I was too afraid to apply for before. I’ll be calling a few people tomorrow I’d never have even thought to call…I have nothing to lose again. Sometimes, that’s a space of mind that tends to work in ones favour.
I’ve learnt to appreciate the little moments in life now; the smiles at a coffee shop from a barista, a stranger holding a door, a message from a friend, a long hug, or a beautiful day on the mountain.
I took today (Monday) off. I’d planned about two weeks ago to take it off…but the timing worked rather perfectly. Sometimes time outside, doing something you love doing for no other reason than because you want to do it, is great therapy.
People do not spend nearly enough time doing the things that make them truly happy.
I know it will be ok.
I have always been able to pick myself up and carry on. But I’ve learnt to allow myself moments to just be not so okay with it all.
It’s been a rough few weeks. And that’s ok.
It is truly okay to not be okay at the end of that. It is okay to want to scream and cry and hide from the world at times.
What matters is that you get back up eventually. That you don’t let other people’s decisions keep you from making your life what you want it to be.
Right now, in this moment, I can honestly tell you I’m at a pretty big loss as to how I’m moving forward from here. My confidence is pretty knocked around and my endurance is definitely feeling a little lacking. Because that’s a normal reaction to a consistent series of crappy things.
Crappy things happen…and this is just another one.
I will be just fine. I will move forward. I’ve enjoyed red wine all weekend and hot chocolate tonight. Tomorrow I’ll hit the gym and send out more CV’s.
One step at a time…even if they’re only small, it still means I’m moving.