#itsbetterthanalright

How my body has felt over the past month: “Ok, you need to rest, recover from jetlag. I said rest. No, alcohol is not rest. Stop it. I mean it. You need more than 6 hours sleep. Seriously. Stop. Stop what you are doing and drink some damn water girl. Ok, that really is enough alcohol now. I said stop. OK I REALLY MEAN I NOW STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND REST AND DAMN WELL GET SOME SLEEP WOMAN!”

I’m sick. The kind of miserable sick that makes me want to curl up with my favourite teddy, a hot lemon drink, and lots and lots of cold and flu tablets until my body decides to come out from hibernation. It’s my first week of work and I woke up this morning with no voice. Thankfully by 8am I had regained my voice and I can now speak in one tone, only one, without it sounding like I’m sick. Pretty much that means anything beyond a basic conversation is out. I managed to make it to work, get to the pharmacy, buy drugs that cost me two hours pay so I could stay at work and pretend I’m not sick.

I have my official title now! I’m a client liaison and marketing co-ordinator person. Heavens only knows what that means… but pretty much I’ve established I do research on where we can be improving our reach, I talk to clients and make sure they have what they need and pass them onto the relevant people, and I help the marketing team wherever necessary. In a nutshell that’s what it is anyway. That and making sure the coffee pot is always full, the bench is wiped down (I still to this day, two weeks into the job, have no idea how the guys in the office manage to get coffee from one end of the bench to the other… they don’t even make the coffee… ), make sure the office is organised, do the stationary order, which is really quite fun, and answer phones.

I also started in the show home last night as a show home hostess… basically I get to sit in a really nice new house and talk to people who come through about it about the house and the business. I get to know things like what colour it is, how high the ceilings are, what kind of carpet it has, and all the stuff about the business I’ve grown up learning. It’s amazing what you retain from eves dropping as a child…

Then there is also the communications work which has seen me get over my fear of pitching new business to potential clients.

If you’d asked me a year ago what I’d be doing this wouldn’t have been what I would have pictured, but it’s really great. I’m actually remarkably happy with life at the moment. One of the three guys I work with in the office asked me… for the first time I might add… what was going on in my world. I said, “Nothing really, it’s good”. He looked at me surprised and said, “Well that’s good there’s no complaints”. Nope. Nothing to complain about here. And I thought about it for a moment, that despite how sick I am (and yes I know I’m complaining on here… I’M ALLOWED), and how rather broken I’ve been feeling lately about the break up, or how annoyed I am I can’t ride every day yet, or how windy Tauranga is, or how ridiculous the traffic is, life is great. It sure as hell has been a lot worse and could still be a lot worse. I think, having hit a pretty low low last year, I have realised how simple it can be to put foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.

Difflam spray and Coldrex definitely helps with that. I think I might actually become addicted to Difflam, is that possible? It tastes so delicious.

I’m also coming to this point where the idea of being in a new relationship is actually freaky. It’s not like a ‘oh I just want to be single for a while’, because I do want to do that, but it’s this kind of weird feeling of how do I be with anyone else when I’ve been with one person for so many years? And it’s not even that many years. Four years is just a blip in terms of an entire life span. But it feels like forever because I’m only 22… so it’s a fifth of my life (I think, I’m bad at maths). I can be a really weird person at times…I’m like this energetic, optimistic, freakishly excitable soul in a pessimistic, worn out, sarcastic body. And then there are all the health problems that I know I’m on top of but it might not stay that way and I could legitimately turn a bit crazy. And that freaks me out. So imagine how I feel about talking to someone else about that? IT’S JUST ALL SO COMPLICATED.

So I’m rolling with #single. But then on the other hand I’m all like #lovingflirting and I swing dramatically between the two. Then I also occasionally go with #imgoingtobealoneforever and #sobbinginmylonliness but also #lookatallthispaceinmybedforME and #noonetoanswerto.

You can see how this might be a bit confusing at times?

It doesn’t help that when I get sick I get delusional. So right now I know I’m making very strange statements and I should be kept away from my blog but there is no one to stop me blogging and so I’m going to post it anyway! Sigh.

So life is this… a great mix of new people, new adventures, getting back into jumping my horse, making goals, having dreams, enjoying working, loving the beach, and also struggling daily with feeling lost, alone, angry, and hurt. But I have great friends and I know it’s on the up. Things are just how they are, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m not sad about life being different, it’s just different. And that sometimes takes a bit of adjusting.

Moving cities has also been a challenge and I regularly miss the Waikato and wonder if I made the right choice moving back. But I did. I know I did. Even if NO ONE IN THIS CITY CAN DRIVE PROPERLY…I get to be close to family and friends and once things slow down a bit and I have routine in the new year… I can start planning my next adventures. Because I have a whole life ahead of me to live them in. So time to start working and saving and dreaming.

#itsbetterthanalright

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