Bring on the wine time

My brain is frazzled. I can’t even write a blog properly. I keep Ctrl A, deleting everything. I mean some of it’s good, it’s just, well, sentences, words…things. Agh! I’ve spent the last few weeks juggling many hats. I’m a person of hats…you know all those different roles you do in life? I refer to them as hats, I think most people do?

So between the psychology, the job, life…more life…I wear a gazillion different hats. My most common is admin hat, PR hat, psychology hat,  workout hat, healthy eating hat, girl friend hat, grandchild hat, daughter hat (actually just general ‘family member’ hat), horse rider hat… I feel like I’m juggling everything and I just sort of throw it all up in the air at times because I just need to breathe, and wait for it to all come back down before I run around catching it all before it turns into a mess.

I don’t dislike any of my hats. There’s just a few of them…and I’m struggling a little to wear them all.

Last night I grabbed my interior design hat and hung up my girl friend hat for the evening and decided to tackle my room. It had become something of a nightmare. I had all sorts just stacked up in piles because when I moved all my things from Alex’s I shoved it all in and promptly decided to forget about it until a later date.

Five and a bit months later and I finally took down the disco ball and cleaned out the china teddy bear ornaments (disclaimer: these were there when I moved in!), moved the pile of towels and sheets into the blanket box and linen cupboard, actually filed the mountain of paper work on my desk, bought a hanging lamp to replace the disco ball and removed the old bedside lamp to make space for nothing, and moved my bed over to the wall.

My room is now spacious, clean, uncluttered, and makes me feel happy.

I needed a happy place – a place in which does not change and is in my control.

This used to be where I grazed my horse, then it was Alex’s, it’s sort of switched between the two depending on what’s happening in life at the time. Then when Casey and I moved in together it was my perfect little home.

Either way, I’ve had a place that I can relax, where I can decorate, tidy, and just breathe in…a place that feels like home and like it’s mine.

I sort of ditched my happy place for a while when I moved…I was too busy having fun. But now Ivy is being ridden by someone else, the gym is changing in terms of who’s there, Sam’s place is well, Sam’s place (and two other boys live there so you can imagine the bathroom… ), the house is my parents not mine. I have no happy place. So I decided it was time I created one.

And I feel at peace now, like everything is in order, even if its not in order. Even if it, at times, feels like it’s spiraling madly out of control.

My general day consists of doing: some sort of filing, some sort of binding of documents, some sort of searching for something in our internal system that’s mysteriously booked a permanent vacation and hightailed out of there, editing people’s bios for the company, writing press releases, making peoples long winded sentences shorter and easy to read, occasionally dealing with a grumpy interviewee, reading property news, answering phones, getting people to do things they don’t want to do for other people, writing articles. A few days a week I’m opening the show home, answering questions, cleaning, most days I’m studying psychology and counselling theories, conducting experiments, writing reports, trawling through the website for the course to figure out what I’m meant to be doing. I tend to finish with making sure my horse is alive, feeding it, running on the treadmill or cross trainer, lifting weights, having a shower, seeing Sam, remembering to see my family members, texting friends to make sure they’re still doing ok in life, catching up with friends at least once every few weeks…

I’m exhausted.

I am learning constantly, whether it’s working through emotional stuff I’m still dealing with in terms of relationships; learning how to be with someone new. Whether it’s figuring out the systems at work, how marketing is different to journalism, how to work in a big company, how to study again, what is psychology…and how to live with family close again. Oh yeah, and how to actually achieve my fitness goals!

It comes as no surprise really that I’ve had a few melt-downs lately. My most recent and perhaps most comical was in Kmart. I stood there, having had a rough day, rather annoyed at Sam because he wouldn’t buy a damn topper for his mattress or a bedside lamp! Right in that moment, absolutely nothing else on earth mattered except getting those two things. Why? Well the mattress topper is purely because the bed is uncomfortable, the lamp, yeah, I have no idea. I just really needed to have one.

I described myself to my mother last night as “Normal 95 per cent of the time, but that 5 per cent I really go all out on the crazy”. A good crazy I like to think… a crazy which results in OCD like behaviors which sees bedside lamps bought, mattress toppers put on beds, and my entire room cleaned and tidied.

So tonight my plans are to see my nan (she’s having chemo and radiation at the moment), study, gym, then study some more in my incredibly beautiful room, see Sam, and then sleep.

Tomorrow? I’ll do it all again.

And as for this weekend? It currently has nothing at all planned in it and I think I might just buy myself a magazine, some chocolate, and sit in the sun with a good glass of red wine. Because right now, all I can think about is doing nothing with wine.

 

 

 

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All by myself

My boss has been away for the past week (nearly two actually). I’m still sane, well as sane as I was before she went away. Any kind of sanity is quite debatable…but for the sake of this post, let’s just say I’m sane.

While the last paper in her absence is still to be published and it could very well be a disaster (it shouldn’t be, but for the sake of ‘touching wood’ I’m covering all bases), I feeling like I actually did ok. I’m an organiser, I love lists and calendars, and appointments more than I love chocolate. But being two people for two weeks does make my head hurt a little.

The thing with getting a paper to print and writing stories for it is more challenging than one might think. I picture myself as that person who stands in front of an orchestra and waves a wand. One of the most hair-raising blood boiling parts though, is the damn phone. That thing never stops ringing! I have resisted the urge to do the ‘pick up slam down’ on multiple occasions. I also think I may have pissed off a PR person when I said no they couldn’t see the article before it went to print, and I didn’t even feel bad.

THIS IS TURNING ME INTO A MONSTER.

But I’m coping just fine. Some people read ‘self-help’ guides, other see counselors, some drink wine. Me, well I tuck myself into bed with whatever I found in my fridge to make dinner with, and watch a programme where the main character is a conqueror.

And by that I mean someone who’s able to cope with life 95 per cent of the time in a comical kind of fashion but falls apart the other 5 per cent.

It gives me some relief to see other people fail and get back up again or to struggle with life in general but still be kick ass at it.

I think one of the cruelest things I’ve done to myself is buy a really nice bed and live in a house with a view. It takes some serious will to actually leave it some mornings. I mean, it takes more will than not wetting my pants when I drink two liters of water before a five hour drive.

Never the less, I am here. I’m dressed. I didn’t bring my snuggly blanket. I’m even wearing heels and makeup. think I’ve mastered today.

#it’sajournalistsworld

I might get into trouble with this post. But I haven’t done anything that’s even a little offensive lately… so I thought I’d shake it up. I’d like to start with: PR people are great. They do, a lot of the time, make my job much easier and I thoroughly appreciate them and how hard their jobs must get at times… but this first year of journalism has revealed certain categories of PR people, they are as follows.

The over enthusiast – fantastic amounts of information. Like, so much information I stare at my screen with a ‘how… how do you even do that?’ The first email normally has a really helpful amount in it… but it can get a little out of hand from there. Phone calls of over enthusiasm… I just can’t handle that sort of positivity on deadline.

The ‘do it yourselfer’ – ok, these guys can be really good, I’d probably prefer this to the soon to come ‘don’t do anything yourselfers’. But normally my workload makes me want to hang my head, then take it a little further to killing my keyboard with it. So, the first email with minimal information followed with a email containing the bare minimum contact details for the said people I thought could be interesting to talk to, just sort of makes me want to cry.

The ‘must vet any questions or you might spin this in the most negative way possiblers’ (also referred to don’t do anything yourselfers’) – these can sometimes be the most helpful, as I don’t really have to do my job. But the inner control freak in me makes me imagine violent things. I PROMISE I WILL BE A NICE JOURNALIST AND NOT BE MEAN, JUST LET ME ASK THE QUESTIONS AND DO THE INTERVIEW MYSELF! Whew… you see? Does bad things to my personality.

The… I just don’t even know – these ones are great for a good chuckle. They never fail to amuse me with short emails. Helpful and straight to the point, but seem to think you lack intelligence. That’s ok, as long as you keep being helpful, I can roll with that. I often refrain myself from replying ‘well… yes’ in emails.

The press release rewrite… might as well put a byline on that story – we all have bad days. I would probably struggle to write a press release. I nearly failed PR at tech, so I can’t talk. But, these guys are the SUPER positive press release writers… usually it’s several emails later you find there is a completely different angle to an average story, suddenly it could be the best thing since sliced bread. It just comes a few emails too late.

The ‘when’s your deadliners’ – usually the ‘when’s your deadline? There’s an event happening this weekend’ comes just shortly after you’ve gone to print on Thursday. It’s not their fault, they don’t know. But for future reference, if it’s a weekly paper and it comes out on a Friday, I can tell you right now, their deadline is WELL before Thursday. Try something like the week prior to the event if you have any hope in hell making some progress.

Finally, the ‘I WANT TO HUG YOU RIGHT NOW!’ – these guys are my favourite, as the name would suggest. They start an email off short and straight to the point. They are polite, but not too nice. Just the right amount of nice that I can tolerate on a bad day. They give you multiple ways of contacting people, the angle of the press release is correct, and there is enough info which enables you to follow up and get the right quotes, without having to spend hours researching a rather small story. It’s done in half an hour and usually a pic comes with it. These people, if I ever met them in real life, I would hug them. Possibly pick them up and spin them around a few times too.

So there you have it. A little insight into part of my job… and the people that come with it. There are many types of sources and people I interview. Provided I survive this post, I might have to bring those… and journalists too, to you next.