It’s a coffee day

Today would be a day where I would need several coffees, if I could drink coffee. It’s 9:12 and today is actually moving remarkably quickly. Nothing quite like arriving at the office when the sun is still deciding if it wants to show its face. I get how it felt. As the head starts to throb the sun is just way to bright, of course it comes out on a day where I can’t ride my horse.

The world is a cruel place.

Never the less I am dying my hair tonight and getting a hair cut. A splash of luxury.

Not that I have any money in my account at the moment because I forgot to bring the cheque to work to bank for my saddle.

It never fails to amuse me the look on health professionals faces when I acknowledge the thyroid condition, then proceed to tell them “I’m a journalist”. They don’t even need to say “soo… you have a high stress job, and a condition worsened by stress?” I just laugh as soon as they look at me with “are you trying to get sick?”

Nope.

I just love what I do.

My body is just going to have to cope with that.

Unfortunately it is currently protesting about my decision on that, my skin, which was being kind, has packed it in, my heart seems to think we’re jumping off buildings, and my brain has abandoned me.

Nope.

Not happening.

Never the less, I am quite proud of myself lately. Other than pushing my coping capabilities, I have actually managed to get the job(s) done, no freak outs, good mood maintained… only boarder line panic attacks and bad dreams. But that’s okay. I also spent most of the weekend without make up, something I have not been brave enough to do for about 6 years.

So yes, I will be taking a break this weekend… or going snowboarding. But due to my current financial situation, I may be forced to take a break. Probably a wise idea.

Perhaps I will also go for a run, I think a run would do me some good! Clear away all that stress!

Right, time to breathe and continue working.

Come at me weekend, we will be friends.

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Just stop

I’m worn out. in a good way, the kind of way that you feel satisfied with your accomplishments, but you are now thankful to be tucked in bed. It has been a full on week of meeting people, talking to old friends, doing, helping, working, and now my feet hurt. But I am quite content, and am also starting to find most of mankind strangely frustrating. 

It is moments like these that remind me I am in fact an introvert. I love people, and I love meeting new people, but when my mother said talking and meeting people gives her ‘energy’ I looked at her oddly. I love it, but man, is it time to take a little bit of me time. 

I have suffered a severe case of writers block this week, so I do apologise for this blog. I am still rather hungry but the thought of moving out of bed, down the hallway, and into the kitchen, then actually finding something eatable, makes me even more tired. 

Anyway, before I ramble you all into a deep sleep… the lesson from this week has been:

Do not be afraid to stop, take time out, and start again. 

I always try to keep going forward and doing better and perfecting everything. Then I crash, burn, and it all down hill from there. Thankfully I have learnt by now, just as I am teetering on the moments before crash, when to stop.

Having fought myself into a state of frustration and exhaustion with my horse, I decided it was time to stop. And just look at it in a couple of weeks time. There is nothing wrong with admitting you can’t do it right now, and you will try again later. Sometimes fighting the battle is but too hard. Doesn’t mean you can’t, and it doesn’t mean you wont, it just means it might not be the right time.

Just try again later.

Now I am going to go back to drinking my lemon drink to fight of the flu, and dream of the long weekend by the beach with a massage and a strong cocktail after a soak in a hot pool. Come at me next weekend.

  

Coping. Are you?

I broke down today. Actually broke down. After a good night, or well a good week, of confidence building, pride igniting and ego boosting, my emotions simply gave up. I’m not sure why, but I don’t deal well with stress. I don’t deal well with people holding me to expectations. I struggle. I don’t know who doesn’t.

I must say I feel sorry for my instructors and the people where my horse lives. Most people don’t see me break down. But they always do for some reason. Maybe its because around my horse I feel like I can actually fall apart. Everyone has a safe place- thats mine. But I just wound up in tears over the most pathetic thing.

So, seeing as no one is home I decided tonight was my de-stress night. Time to myself. I don’t actually know when the last time was I had alone time. Silence. Ticking clock. Blinking lights. And me. It’s really nice. Unfortunately I had to ditch my boyfriend for the night in order for this alone time but I feel like I needed it. There wasn’t a choice.

Sometimes I think its not so much about how much you have on, or even your time management. It’s about making sure there are times you put you first. Times you get to be selfish. Time when you do exactly what it is you want to be doing.

That is coping.