All was well with the world

Right. I need to get blogging again. I have no idea what’s happened to my creative flow, or perhaps life just isn’t going AWOL enough for me to want to throw it all out there! I’ve been asked to be a contributor to a pretty cool blogsite, so I’ll soon be spamming you with  that asking you to love me. So that’s super exciting news!

It’s winter. It’s cold. My body is protesting and my lungs hurt from my run yesterday. Turns out you need to exercise your lungs too…like it isn’t enough having to exercise the rest of my body! I’m sulking because I’ve now put on 5kg since I STARTED going to the gym. Like, what the hell?! That’s not at all fair. I’m going with it’s muscle. But I mean, that’s a lot of muscle?!

My horse had a tooth pulled out the other day. Poor thing was incredibly good about it, until I put her back in the paddock where she lashed out in anger at her best friend then stood and sulked in the corner. I don’t blame her. I did the same thing when I had my wisdom teeth pulled!

I’m moving home again soon! For the past five weeks I’ve been crashing at Sam’s place while mum and dad renovate the house. It was a weird feeling moving home in the first place after five years out of home…but after five weeks back in a flat I’ve come to realize why I made that decision. Come to me my beautiful renovated en-suite bathroom and spacious kitchen! I’m honestly quite perplexed as to how Sam’s flat gets so dirty so quickly. I’ve just come to the acceptance it’s just one of those houses that’s never quite clean. I will definitely miss doing my own grocery shopping though; it’s just a nice part of the week…I don’t actually like paying for food.

Work has been an interesting combination of a lot of downtime and insanely busy days coupled by dealing with instances that have lead my to run away to the mountain for the weekend with WINE before I pull my hair out.

I love my job.

I love my joy.

No I actually really go, and honestly, those challenges make me feel like I’m actually doing something purposeful with my life.

I think that is definitely my challenge this year: to accept a slower pace and less ‘crazy’. I know I’ve still got a bit on my plate with study…I need to actually get onto my assignment, but over all things are probably the least stressful and most consistent they’ve been in a very long time.

I’m super happy in my relationship. Work isn’t stressful but there’s a decent amount of work to be done. I’m enjoying my study and not finding it nearly as difficult now I only have one paper. And my pony is so much fun on the odd occasion I get to ride. Even the gym has become somewhat enjoyable. So life is good but it is an incredibly weird feeling to just be ‘well’.

I’m off to the mountain this weekend! The weather is meant to be awful but I’m just looking forward to not being in the flat and instead cuddled up by a fireplace with a beautiful bottle of red wine I stole from mum…well kind of, I slowly took it while she stared at me.

So that’s me for now! I shall soon be back in my own room in my lovely parents house with my cute cat called Charlie and the world will be well.

Till next time!

 

 

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Don’t dig your heals in and hold the door frame

I’ve been trying to hold back tears at work this morning. My throat is a little bit sore and my tummy isn’t loving me today so it could just be I’m getting sick and being emotional comes from that. But it’s a very strange mix of happy emotions and sad. As I sat looking at my Instagram (bet there hasn’t been an emotion inducing sentence quite like that before), I couldn’t help but be a little in love with my life and incredibly sad that things are moving on.

While I was travelling I noticed something about the way I viewed the world; I began to fall in love with how things smelt, how they felt, with the perfectly imperfectness of it. I fell in love with cloudy, rainy days in the mountains, with the bad smells in the markets in Cambodia, with the loneliness of travelling Vietnam by myself, with the stupid bike with the flat tire and plastic seat that caused chaffing. All the things that were wrong made it something. I loved the perfect things, but I was in love with the imperfect ones. They were what tested my character and what I noticed made the biggest changes in my personality.

I can’t deny the statement of ‘I was a different person when I came home’. It’s so cliché I haven’t wanted to use that so far. But I can’t think of any way around it. I was a much harder person, my heart had a much smaller capacity to love, and my walls refused to allow me the luxury of being in love with anything.

The world is an incredible thing to be in love with.

So where does all the emotion today come from? Well, when I came back from that trip, life was anything but perfect and it was anything but what I expected, but I loved it. I don’t think I’ve ever just relaxed, let my walls down, let my guard down and enjoyed where life was going like I did then. It’s normal I want to keep hold of that.

But things are changing, in great, wonderful, spectacular ways, but they’re different. That photo on my Instagram, a really lovely imperfect black and white shot of my besty and I on our last walk before she heads away, captured all of that. It captured how incredible being in love with the imperfect is – with the things that catch you off guard, that surprise you from nowhere.

I’m fighting back tears she’s leaving. And I’m incredibly happy that I feel that way. It means I’ve learnt to care deeply and not to shut off because it’s hard to say goodbye.

It’s easy to get caught up in life and just keep moving; we rarely stop to appreciate the moment of change, or how far we’ve come.

It’s not easy to move on from things you’ve left behind. Actually, it’s really bloody hard.

I spent several years looking on Facebook at people horse riding and competing. It was torture to see them doing what I expected to be doing. But just because it was hard to move on didn’t mean it was what I was meant to be doing it. It just meant it meant something to me. I loved competing, but there came a time where that wasn’t where I was headed anymore. It’s not my journey, it’s someone else’s. It’s what I thought was mine. But it wasn’t. It’s prepared me for many, many more journeys though.

When I watched my best friend get married and my little sister get engaged I struggled. That was the journey I wanted to be on, what I thought was what I was meant to be doing. But I was wrong at the time. It doesn’t mean it won’t be my journey, it’s just not where I was meant to be at the time. I struggled because it meant something to me, not because what I wanted was right.

Now I sit and see journalists ace stories, I see people doing my job well, I see people winning and making waves and I hear of good stories and I pine after it. I wanted it so badly to be me. But I know, deep down, where I’m headed now is where I am meant to be heading. I miss it, because it meant something, not because it’s where I should be now.

And there are days I still miss the farm. I still see photos of life back then and I miss it. I still get along with Alex. The last time we spoke it was like old friends catching up. But that doesn’t mean it was right. It’s not what either of us needed any longer. And sometimes I struggle with that because it meant something to me.

We all struggle to move on because it meant something. But staying put and chasing the past does not get that back. It doesn’t make it right.

We want to run back to what is familiar and comfortable when times are tough. When we see great change ahead it’s normal to want to run and hide under our blankets and let life stay where it is; where it’s comfortable.

Making things happen, being something, achieving something, satisfaction, love, being in love, travel… all of it is incredible, all of it is within our reach…but don’t ever expect it to feel comfortable.

You’re stepping outside of a comfort zone, that’s how you get somewhere. It’s never going to feel comfortable.

I imagined life to be much more ‘collected’ – a series of events which take place in a controlled chronological order. But it’s not at all. It’s often an unpredictable series of events, at times the events don’t always make sense. But you’ll look back one day and realise what those stepping stones, those branches that smacked you in the face, that mud which held you back, those roots you tripped over… were there for.

When you’re feeling the least comfortable, when you know deep down moving on is right, achieving is right, but you’re still stuck wanting what is familiar, think to yourself, back to a time in your life you struggled to let go and just think, what would life be like if it had never changed from then? Would you really still be happy if it had stayed exactly the same?

Would I be happy if things had stayed the same? No way.

I wouldn’t have a boyfriend who twirls me around the supermarket or turns up to work with flowers. I wouldn’t have had the balls to apply for the police, to start running, to study psychology. Heck, if life had stayed as wonderful as it first was when I started my job as a journalist I never would have left, I never would have gone overseas. Things change because we need them to, not always because we want them to.

Am I 100 per cent happy with where I am right now? No way. But I am in love with my life in every imperfect detail and every day I wake up proud of how far I have come and excited about what I can achieve… even the things I have no comprehension of right now. God’s got it.

But I struggle still to let go completely, to move on entirely, and to trust that there is a season for everything.

Who doesn’t?

So on that note, I’m off to continue eating my popcorn and sipping my tea, waiting for that 2pm to come around and for me to race out of here in search of weekend freedom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Au revoir 2015!

Well, we’ve finally made it! The end of 2015 is finally here and what a year it has been. I was trying to avoid doing the whole ‘New Year, new me’ blog, but whatever, I couldn’t resist. I have no self control. In terms of writing anyway! I’m still a little buzzed on too much coffee from a road trip of 6.5hrs from Russell, Bay of Islands back to my home in Tauranga so this blog might come out in all sort of weirdness, but here goes!

2015 was one of the up and down years of my life. I’ve achieved things I never thought I would and I’ve seen both good and difficult changes in my life and myself as a person. I’ve travelled 9 countries, met people who took my breath away, hiked the alps, drank the best wine I’ve ever tasted in France, started learning French, changed careers, reconnected and built new friendships. Life is nothing like I imagined it would be but it never ceases to be incredible even during the struggles. If 2015 is anything to go by 2016 ought to be one hell of a ride!

I’ve picked up the rest of my stuff from Alex’s, I’ve met a few new people, accidentally taken things the wrong way, have concluded I suck at meeting new people and can’t communicate like a normal person…but in general, I have faith it’s all going to be alright!

On that note I think it’s time to write a good ol’ list of goals for this year! Yep, I actually have New Years resolutions this year!

  1. Run 5km at 5mins per km
  2. Achieve 30 pushups without feeling like I’m dying
  3. Work hard enough to earn commission from marketing jobs
  4. Obtain firearms licence
  5. Learn to dive
  6. Become 80 per cent fluent in French
  7. Volunteer twice a week
  8. Get involved in church
  9. Go on adventures

There’s not actually that many but they’re all harder than they might seem to achieve…for me anyway. So instead of adding more to the to do list I thought I’d also write a list of the ways I want to live my life this year…

  1. Take. Things. Slowly – relationships
  2. Don’t be afraid of something wonderful
  3. Don’t drag old hurts into new beginnings (yeah, that one’s not easy)
  4. Know what I want and stick to it
  5. Know what I don’t want and avoid it
  6. Never be afraid to take a step beyond the comfort zone
  7. Don’t hold back because of fear
  8. Friends first, men second
  9. Appreciate something in every day
  10. Don’t live life in order to keep up with or impress others
  11. Never apologise for being happy
  12. Avoid coffee…
  13. Stop planning, start living
  14. Be the best damn version of myself I can be

So there you have it folks!

Rolling on through

Oh summer, where have you gone! December is always a bit of an iffy month…but part of me was still holding out for a beautiful sunny first week. Instead I am sitting behind my computer in Tauranga at 5pm wondering if we’re actually in Hamilton in the middle of winter.

Week one of work has so far gone quite smoothly. I’ve managed to remember how to file, how to do research, how to operate a PC computer (they’re of the devil I’m sure…), and I’ve learnt how to do invoices.

#winning

No, all jokes aside it looks like it’s going to be quite a cool job. I get great hours, good pay, and have time to learn all about different areas of the property market…which I am a bit obsessed with at times.

By the time this year ends I will have gone from having no job to having three quite good part time roles: admin/marketing, show home hostess (cheers dad), and Communications Consultant. Oh and don’t forget the cool title of ‘Youth Engagement Manager’ for YouthNet. All titles aside, pretty much I spend my day either talking to people about something I can do for them, or doing things for people that need to be done because they don’t want to do them. As for the youth one…the New Year should see that become more of a doing something and less of a ‘I’ve got a cool title and business cards!’.

Why have I gone from being all like ‘nooo, I want a life I don’t want to spend it working’, yet now have three jobs? Well, they’re all flexible which makes my heart sing and means I can actually exercise properly (I hope) but it’s also because I have grand plans for more travel come the end of the year.

When don’t I have grand plans?

I’ve managed to keep my pot plant alive thus far, my horse is so fat and has eaten so much grass she’s gone borderline mad, and the cat thinks life is better anywhere that I’m not…unless I’m feeding him. I don’t blame him. If I was a cat I’d spend all my days wandering around making friends.

Christmas is rolling around and I’m yet to even utter the words ‘Christmas shopping’, but I do have a plan for New Years celebrations and I’m hoping to get something of a in my two weeks off during office close down.

Then it’s off to Canada! Life never really does get boring!

So on that note I must leave with my pounding headache from a lack of sleep and too much coffee so I can see my fat horse and eat some food before I escape to church tonight for a ladies evening.

I will stop at some stage.

I think.

No promises though.

I’m mad, utterly mad

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I stole this picture of my sisters instagram…mainly because I spilt a cup of coffee on my phone so it now refuses to upload photos I take. Whatever, that’s cool. I’ve spent the last few days in Hamilton looking after the little sis who’s had an operation (she’s fine, nothing major). It’s strange being, once again, back in the house I moved into a year ago. I can’t believe how much I’ve achieved in one year and how different things are now! I’ve been rather adamant about not being one of those people who come back from travelling and say ‘I’ve changed’. But I can’t help it. I’m different. I’m still every bit me but I’m the me I’ve ignored for a long time. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here, but before I came back and walked into what turned into a blind-siding flip of my life, there was this moment in France.

Tom had left to spend the afternoon at the pub and I’d opted to have a me day. I’d just finished watching the rugby and I went to do the dishes only to find the sink totally blocked. I’ve had a blocked sink while I’ve been flatting, a number of times, I should probably stop expecting food to fit down it… but every time I’d called someone to fix it. Not because I couldn’t fix it, but it was easier to just get someone to do it for me. But stuck in a house with no internet, no one around to bounce ideas off, nothing. I had nothing. I’ll admit it took me an hour to realise there was a part of the pipe under the sink I could unscrew to empty the blockage (into a bucket of course, I’m smart sometimes), but there was this strange sense of achievement as I watched the water empty out and my problem vanish. I did it all myself. I’d always been able to do it myself, I just never thought I could.

So I was standing in this little kitchen in a house in the middle of a quiet, well actually silent, street in the middle of a small North West town in France. I stood and I laughed and I laughed until I couldn’t stop. And I suddenly realised all the things I was worried about, all the things in life that stopped me chasing my dreams; none of it mattered. I was going to be just fine. I was fine on my own.

I don’t know why I had that moment, perhaps I subconsciously knew more about my unravelling life than I cared to admit, but from that moment I haven’t felt the fear I used to about my life.

There are a lot of things you learn travelling: how to get yourself un-lost with no help and no maps without the use of English, how to order food with a dietary requirement without using language…the list of stuff goes on. But there are these incredible moments like in Vietnam, I went out around 10pm in Hoi An, it’s a small beach town that’s insanely pretty, and I just wandered around. The street was lit with these large lanterns, people talked loudly, some rode around on bikes, floating candles shone in different colours across the canal. It was one of the moment beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Or when I was in Ho Chi Minh city and a group of girls took me around in the evening. There’s this big street just for people to hang out and walk up and down. Buildings tower over it with bright neon lights and offices lit up. People gather to sing and drink coffee and just be there. In a city full of rush and business they’re just there because they can be. And as I rode around on the back of their motorbikes in a monsoon shower I couldn’t help but realise just how incredible life is. For the first time in my life I stopped worrying about what the future might look like and I started loving my now. And I kept loving my now the whole way around the world.

I never want to lose that, the feeling of freedom and bliss that life is going to be just fine.

So the other night at 11pm I ran off to the beach just to talk and dance and run and do cartwheels (which I fail at). Because life is amazing and it’s so easy to get caught up in what we ‘should’ be or what it ‘should’ look like. I don’t want to lose the craziness or the spontaneous fun I had travelling just because I’m home. New Zealand is an incredible country and life should be lived in the same manner people travel in; just have fun. I’m young and even when I’m not, I’m still entitled to enjoy the little things in life, to embrace my crazy mad side. I’m mad, utterly mad.

And I love it.

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all my followers on here, and others who have just stumbled across this blog. I am taking a short break from posting here while I travel around Asia, Africa, and part of Europe. I will be back at the end of October and no doubt publishing furiously on here once again.

In the mean time, if you’d like to continue following my life and blogs visit: honesttravellernotes.wordpress.com

Thank you all for the support!

Sach x

Deep breaths and take 10

It takes a while to stop running. It’s like braking a car on ice, the faster you’ve been travelling the longer it’s going to take you to stop. Me, I’ve been travelling my whole life at 100 miles per hour. I never stop. The last time I took ‘time out’ and went on a holiday was when I was about 10, with the family to a place called Dunk Island off the coast of Australia. I’m nearly 22 and it occurred to me just before I booked my tickets, that I don’t stop.

I’ve always been told to ‘slow down’ by every health professional under the sun, but the older I get the clearer the picture of ‘slowing down’ becomes. I would always take time out for me, perhaps a cup of tea and a good TV show, perhaps a run or a bit of yoga, but life never actually stopped.

By stop I don’t mean take yourself away from it all and do nothing, I mean stop doing what has become the norm.

At 16 I decided I was leaving school to study journalism and I did just that. I spent the first six months of study having fun and letting loose before I met Alex and I calmed down a tad. Second year was more demanding work wise with study and I began to increase my competitiveness with horse riding. Plus travelling each weekend to see Alex meant life was about doing a series of events which I had titled ‘life’.

In my third year I was juggling full time competition on my horse, completing four internships, finishing a degree and a diploma, and seeing Alex on weekends. I finished study and three weeks later was in a job. And I worked but butt off in that job, because I loved it.

But I never stopped.

And it was a terrifying thought at 21 to realise I’d spent my whole life completing a series of events which I would one day call my life.

So here I am, unemployed, sitting on a balcony in Cambodia, and breathing. My speeding car is slowing down on the ice.

It’s not a holiday from life, it’s a change in my life. It’s me finally saying ‘I want to be happy and I don’t want to be running’. Just because I loved my job and I love competitions, it didn’t mean they were good for me. And it didn’t mean they made me happy. And that’s a really hard concept to get my head around sometimes.

When I first arrived here I had this deep feeling of unrest, like I was unable to pause and not plan. I had this unbelievable desire to find security in things like stress. I like to be busy so I do not have to challenge my way of thinking or being.

Now I am starting to just relax and actually enjoy not having a to do list that takes over my life, I can just stop and take life in.

Change is just as good as a break.

It’s time for an adventure

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I spent weeks checking flights online. I’d made plans well in advance. I’m an organised person. I do not do irrational or spontaneous things. I make decisions, I just need a bit of time to make them…to accustom myself to the idea of them. My life is planning.

I have a lovely little house, I have a great flatmate. I have a beautiful veggie garden. I have a good job. My life is quaint. It’s pleasant. There isn’t really much to complain about. It wasn’t until I stopped the other day. Right in the middle of my hallway. Just stopped. In the way you stop when you realise you just about crossed a road without looking. Stopped. If I died tomorrow, I’d be really pissed off at myself.

Well, I probably wouldn’t, because I’d be dead. But never the less…it makes you start to revaluate your life when you start thinking about being pissed off at the dead version of yourself.

I’m not really a ‘live each day like it’s your last’ because lets be realistic here, it’s unlikely to be your last and if it’s not…you’re kind of screwing yourself over by not thinking about that possibility. Hence, I like to plan stuff. But this is different.

I’d planned to do this trip, seven months from now. But that moment in the hallway really got me to take a moment and really think about this year. What am I staying for? I have great opportunities if I go now, it means I’ll be back in time for summer. There is this whole incredible world, right there, and I’m just ‘waiting’ for it.

So I sent a few emails, nervously clicked refresh a million times, skyped my uncle, harassed my travel agent, booked a flight. And I’m going in eight weeks.

Yep, apparently when I make spontaneous decisions I make ’em real good.

Here it is. My wonderful wayward journey of doing something other than being ‘ok’ with life. There is nothing wrong with how my life is…but there is so much more I could be doing with it right now. So many opportunities (even if I can’t always see them) and a desperate need to open my eyes to everything beyond my four walls.

Veggie gardens or not, it’s time to go.

I’ma run away now

Being an adult is hard. There are times when my brain screams: WINE but my heart (and stomach) scream chocolate milk (the kind I can drink). Aside from the usual bills and unsuspecting things that need paying for when you really don’t want to pay for them, I’m learning there is more to this finance game. The first point of learning is credit cards.

I’ve had one for roughly three months now. It’s my saving grace and my monster under my bed. That little puppy clocked up nearly my limit after a series of ’emergency’ spends. They were legitimate…birthdays, my desperate need for a massage, the fact the food in my cupboard disappears as quickly as my butt gets bigger (and that’s a decent amount lately). It’s not easy you know keeping track of how many times I insert that card into machines…

Anyway. I’ve got the spending aspect of it reasonably under control and I’ve paid off most of the debt. But now comes the burning question: is the card I’ve got really the right one? I mean, I’m planning an overseas holiday. A big one. One that involves lots of flying. So perhaps an airpoints card would be the way to go? I’m thinking yes.

But then there are so many guidelines and hidden things that I just can’t get my head around. I’ve gone ahead and applied for one anyway, I mean, I might as well?

My next big thing with adulting and travelling is how to actually book a trip. I mean, most people would probably find this easy. But when you’re escaping for nearly four months of your life to a country you know little about, then flying, bussing, training, and possibly boating to several more in that time…it gets a little daunting. This is why we have travel agents. But then which one do you chose? Do you just rock up and lay it all out there like ‘plan my trip for me kind servant’ or do you ask for a quote in the most polite way possible and agree meekly to whatever they offer?

It’s scary.

Adulting is scary.

I’ve got grocery shopping, which includes death stares to small children in my way or who are misbehaving and top notch trolly dodging and grocery snatching, down pat. I’ve got paying my bills on time sorted, well by this I mean I can pay them all within two months depending on the penalty for late ones…rent, power always on time. I’ve even managed to master the art of call centres and saying no to telemarketers or those people who turn up at the door for money.

I can get to bed on time (most nights) and I change my sheets once a week and do the washing twice. My car is even full of petrol most weeks.

See, I’d say I’m mastering it.

Yet for some reason, I still feel rather unable to swim in a very deep ocean called ‘growing up’. What steps to take next in life? When do you move up in a job? When do you want more money? When do you take up new hobbies? When do you decide your work pants are too worn out and you need new ones? How on earth do you plan a trip? At what stage in life am I meant to be ‘moving forward’?

There are always these impossibly big questions.

Life never stops. Well, it does, but by then it’s a bit late.

People are getting married, having babies, are on their way to their dream career. Me, well, I’m still looking at online flights wondering if I should just board the next one and get the hell out before I really do grow up.

Just kidding. Kinda.

Hello NZ, hello adventure, hello travel.

After two days of sitting in bed resting, trying to fight this stupid flu, my abs are killing me.

The being in bed part isn’t painful, it’s quite lovely, it’s just the lack of movement my body gets…and unfortunately I’m one of these people who loses muscle and fitness VERY fast. It just have to lie in bed for a whole day and I need to do two worth of fitness to make up for it. So my abs, this is because I had the genius idea to sit on an exercise ball at work.

I got to the point last week it was no longer painful and quite relaxing. Now it just hurt all over again. Like constant sit ups. I’m also forcing myself to drink this slightly ok tasting green stuff full of just about every good thing under the sun. It’s really good…but it’s so much green stuff! And it really does detox…so hello bathroom!

Anyway, I’ve been off the grid for a little while…my inspiration has been severely lacking.

So here is an update.

I climbed over a mountain range in two days…meant to take three. Burt my lips to a point of no return. Seriously, I don’t know if they will ever heal from the blisters! We walked 40 something km’s and my feet still have areas I don’t have feeling in.

But it was so worth it! The views were incredible, the smell of mountain air, the feel of it all. It’s unbelievably peaceful up there. In the kind of way that makes you take a really deep breathe and close your eyes for a moment. A real moment. Not a brief second like I do at work while trying to escape the feeling of impending doom as deadline rolls around like a concrete roller threatening my life.

Ok that’s a little dramatic.

But the mountain is peaceful…and I want to go back. For a long time. Forever. I really could spend forever on a mountain. (just perhaps I’d take some lip sunscreen)

Flowers - TNC

lakes - TNC

Looking down - TNC

Tramp home - TNC

I went mountain biking with dad. It’s been about 10 years since I mountain biked…I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been on a bike since then. So…I forgot how to turn. It’s really hard to turn I realised! I mean, how did I do it so well as a kid?!

I figured it out, thankfully, just in time for dad to decide we were ready for a grade 3-5 track (grade 1 is a beginner track). It was very fun though, I love the forest just about as much as the mountains. I just love New Zealand.

But, because I’ve had two days at home sick and board…I’ve been looking at my next adventure!

So the plan is to go to Cambodia for two months, travel Asia for 10 days, then head to Switzerland (or Austria) for a snow boarding expedition, THEN perhaps Italy or France for a few days before heading home. Kind of my dream adventure! I’m going to make this happen , and it’s actually quickly approaching. Only 9 months! Which is scary, but exciting.

This year so far has been challenging, there is a lot of work and not enough of me…but I am being organised and figuring out how much I can do and do well, before I say no to any more.

It’s all about balance and currently, I feel a bit out of that.

Life is exciting, things are changing, it’s hard work, but I’m happy…when I’m not sick.

So yay!